I Couldn't Sleep At All Last Night

No, not the song.  I literally couldn't sleep last night.  Every time I would fall asleep I would hear a scripture:

Matthew 13:14-18.

In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.¹⁵ For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might se  with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’^[a] 16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. ¹⁷ For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it. ¹⁸ “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means:


I sat down this morning to think about what that means to me, the news shared at last nights leaders meeting at church, and just thinks in general.  All of this still has me thinking about the dash.  I pray that I am not one of those whose eyes are closed, whose ears don't hear and have hardened hearts.  IF I am even close to being one of them- Lord please search me and know me, that I want to know you and desire to be a man after your own heart.  On the other hand, I look at it as a blessing.  That I have seen, heard and have the heart for Him.  That I am tuned in and listening to what He is saying.


I have some serious appointments coming up.  I need God to intervene at each and every one of them.  Like I said before, I have good and bad days.  Today, I have the headache again.  I don't know if it's because of the tumor behind my eye or not, but I also have sight - be it impaired - I have sight.  As long as I can see the beauty of the world - I am a blessed man.


It is so easy to see the ugliness all around us.  But it takes a minute to stand still and look through the filth and see what's underneath all of the grime.  When I look at what's going on in the world - it hurts.  I listened to a song yesterday - The Question Is - by the Winans.  It was written back in the mid 80's and they asked about the problem in Afghanistan and here we are over 20 years later still wondering what's going on over there.  The beauty is that women are more free now to be anything they desire.


I thought about what's coming for our youth at church.  I thought about the changes to our church staff and how to proceed in praying for them.  I almost had a pity party thinking about some things.  Then I realized that God will sustain those who lift Him up.  He is working all things out for my good and I have to trust Him enough to do it without trying to help Him.  


He doesn't require my help - I depend on His.  It is only through daily prayer that I am able to keep my head above water as I watch Him walk toward me.  Everyday, the vision of Him walking gets more and more clear.  I am reaching up and He's standing there reaching down to me.  I keep coming up with excuses for why I can't take His hand yet and He patiently stands there waiting.


I am so glad that He has not walked away from me.  I couldn't sleep at all last night because I went to bed with too much on my mind when I should have cast all of the days cares on Him.  I need to go and see the therapist and talk about what I am dealing with. 


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell - love that song.