Do Miracles Still Happen?

I asked myself that question recently.  I was lying in bed last week and found myself wide awake at 2:45AM, staring at my wife.  I began to ponder miracles and if they still happen.  Not if God is able to perform miracles, or my trust in Him.

I just wanted to know if anyone has seen a miracle manifest itself, and why we don't hear about them anymore.  To know me now and my present state of mind would make you best think that I am about to fall off the deep end.  With all that my family has endured over this past year, you might even think that I am entitled to "break down" once in a while.  Heck, I've thought about a cry session myself.  But what will it get me in the end?  Just a set of red puffy eyes and a raw nose!!!!

So again, do miracles still happen?  Let me be VERRRRRRY transparent with you.  I recently got my paycheck and it came to a grand total of $193.32.  Yes, you read that correctly.  That is after working 72 hours ov still have a job that I absolutely love.  I get to go to work and bless those who are at the end of their lives transition to eternal life with the Lord and bless their families as they grieve.

I haven't been able to pay my bills and my mortgage is behind.  Where's the miracle in that?  God said that HE would never see the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging for bread.  I'll call the mortgage company and work things out.  The Word of God tells us that we have not because we ask not.  Nothing beats a failure but a try.

I have heard time and time again, "if you need anything, just let me know"  The problem is, when I do, the person can't.  Then they tell me that they will pray for us.  So I ask them, like Jesus did, "when did I see you hungry and not feed you? Naked and not clothe you?"  Not being "super religious"  Just keeping things in perspective.  I live on earth, not is heaven.  Yet, I deal with some people who are so heavenly high, they are no earthly good.  Thank God, He leads me to people who are better than that.  That's the miracle.

I could easily sit on the deck with a bottle of bourbon and drink my cares away.  The problem with that is, those same problems will be there in the morning.  My son deserves to see me as the best example of a man that he will ever have. I could blame my father for my issues, but I am a grown man now.  He still angers me, but that's a story for another day.  That's a miracle I would love to see - my father offer a sincere apology.

I know this is going to come across as selfish.  Just know my heart and that I have moments of the green eyed monster called jealousy.  Why can't someone show up at my door with a cardboard check so that I can pay these mounting medical bills and mortgage.  Why can't I get home makeover from Ellen or Oprah so that I can move my master bedroom to the first floor so that my wife doesn't have to climb all of these stairs?  When is the limo going to show up and take my family to the surprise awaiting around the corner?  How can I afford to go back to nursing school full time, pay my bills, have benefits, so that I can make things happen for myself.  It's called sacrifices that can't be realized right now.  Short of hitting the powerball, it's not going to happen.

I don't want a pity party - I can do that myself.  I want a break from the pressure.  I want to see my wife and children's basic needs met without the worry of something about to be shut off.  I ask myself if I'm faithful enough, do I give enough, what am I doing wrong, why is this happening and then I turn and look at my wife.

She never asks why.  My trust is not broken in Him - I fall short and fail every single day.  My children love me, my wife adores me, and I have great friends.  Is it enough?  Where is the miracle that I so desperately am desiring?  Do miracles still happen?  Yes they do.

I see it in the eyes of a smiling baby.  I hear it in the voice of my wife when she is speaking to someone.  I feel it in the form of pride when my children accomplish anything.  I shouldn't be looking for that cardboard check to makeover my house.  I shouldn't expect the phone to ring from Ellen or Oprah.  I shouldn't expect to see that limo coming around the corner.  All I need to do is, accept the life that I have, trust God, and love my family.

So now I will get off of my soapbox and come back to reality.  My miracle tomorrow is this:  I get to wake up, shake myself and let my heart feel the miracles of love.

I'll Be There

You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there

[Chorus:]
And oh - I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on - yes I will, yes I will

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that's all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love I respect you
Just call my name and I'll be there



These are the lyrics to a song by the Jackson 5.  I was just sitting on the edge of the bed watching my wife sleep when these words raced through my heart and mind.  They aren't all of the words because she won't find anyone new, and because he will never be as good to her as I am.  Not saying that boastfully, I am just very sure of my place in her life and heart.  My love for her is unconditional.

Prior to getting married, I asked what percentage should each person bring into the marriage?  There were several people around us, telling us that it's 50/50, 80/20, etc.  Well, (in my outspoken way) I informed them to keep it unless I was getting 100% of the woman.  I know that she is going to have some faults, failures, victories, successes, and more from her past - but so do I.  I am willing to share all of them with you 100% and would expect the same in return.

When the trials of life come - I'll be there 100%.  

Like the lyrics of this song emphasize over and over - I'll be there; so is God.  HE and HE alone keeps my mind focused when distractions come to derail me.  When the little issues on the job, in the community and even at the church, all try to make me go left instead of right, HE reminds me that He will be there.

I know that if I make my bed in hell - he will be there.  Putting it all on the line, here is some brutal honesty for you.  Last week, as I sat in the game room of my house realizing that I was in way over my head with stress - decided to drown my problems with a drink.  My sister in law(lets just say she lives 750 miles away) was getting on my last nerve causing problems in my house; I couldn't get out of work to go home and address some things with her, the home health therapists for my wife were not being cooperative, one of my coworkers thinks she is running things - NOT!!!! and to make it all final - a man I consider to be a grandfather was hospitalized while his wife was placed in a rehab facility for physical therapy.

I can hear you now - "Tony, the answer isn't in a glass of alcohol"  You're right, it isn't there, and you don't have the answer either.  So what's a man to do?  This.  When you are at the bottom of the barrel with your face to the ground - you have no other choice but to look UP!!!!  God is right there reaching down His hand to pick you up, dust you off, straighten out your clothes and sit you down to let you know "I'll be there to protect you.  I'll be there to put My arms around you.  I'll be there to build you up when you've been torn down.  Just call My Name, and I'll be there.

Once I did that, my world began to change.  The help that I so desperately needed, began to manifest itself.  He reminded me that I had no help because I didn't ask for any help.

I am exhausted, tired and could sleep for 12 hours with no problem.  I just need to be reminded by Him, that He will never leave me, nor forsake me.  

That song was written to woman.  However, God uses the things of this world to catch our attention.  ALL music isn't bad unless it's meant to hurt, harm or endanger the listener.  Take a listen and like Toni Braxton said in Kingdom Come - chew on the sweet gum and let it do it's magic.

Am I Asking For Too Much

As you are well aware, my wife has undergone some trials that most people would have given up on, a long time ago.  Not her, she has kept the faith and is working hard to encourage others as they encourage her.

She wants to make sure that I am fine and that I am taking care of myself.  She worries that I will collapse one day from not getting enough sleep, working long hours to keep our family afloat, or just doing things around the house.  She worries that meals won't be cooked, the laundry won't get done, the dishes will pile up, or that the house will be dirty.

So poses my question.  Am I asking for too much when I expect my children to pitch in and help out without them being disrespectful.  Is it too much to ask for you to keep your attitude in check.  Shouldn't I anticipate that you would want to do things without the rolling of the eyes, the deep breathing sighs, or the folding of the arms.  Is a little male bonding wrong for me to desire.  Should I be looking for my brothers, family, friends (who are male) to ask me to a cup of coffee so that I can get away for an hour or two.  

There is only one man that I know of who can answer all of these questions and then some - I affectionately call him Daddy Melvyn.  He knows.  He's been where I've not even gone yet in being a caretaker, husband, and devoted protector of his wife - Mommy Allean.

Right now, he is the only man that I can talk to and be completely real with.  I'm not looking for a bromance - just someone who isn't always going to have a "spiritual" answer.  Please, enough already.  I live on earth.  I don't board in heaven, and the last time I checked, neither did you.

So again, am I asking for too much?  Can a real man of God whose head isn't in the clouds, please stand up?  I just want someone to let me know that it's ok to go into the corner and cry sometimes.  Someone to tell me that my feelings, fears, and anger are legit.  I need someone that will tell me the truth about myself and know that I will still remain the same with them and not hold a grudge.  

There are days when I want to kick in a wall, bust down a door, punch something, rip things apart and get out all of this hurt that I have stored up inside of me.  I just need to get out in the woods around a campfire with a brother(s) and shoot the breeze.  No bible study, no hymns, nothing but men being men - and even vulnerable with each other.

This might be too deep for some men, but I know who I am.  If women can be open, honest and  up front with one another - who says that we can't.  It took me years to come to the place where I could even trust men, and now that I can, I can't find one willing to take the time just to hang out.  I'm not asking you to go to the bar and get drunk, or hang out at some strip club- that's not who I am.  

I good brotherly embrace would do me wonders right now.  I know my brothers at church care about me.  Everyone of us has a family to take care of, a household to run, and jobs to go to everyday.  Am I asking for too much?