There are some days, some people, some decisions that make you feel like you just want to throw in the towel. Some of those same things make you wonder if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel. I have decided to look at them in a different light. They are not obstacles - they are opportunities for me to learn a lesson and help someone else who might deal with the same issues later.
I have taken into consideration all of the events of my life and all of the times I could have just let go of the rope. Not one of those times did God give up on me. He reached down into my mess, snatched me out, cleaned me up, taught me a lesson, and allowed me to be put me right back out there in the midst of the wolves. Not because He didn't care, but because I needed to grow in His strength. He wanted me to learn to depend and trust in Him and not in "my" abilities.
I have done it wrong for so long, that it felt like I was doing it correctly. I once made a statement about a former pastor of mine and I stand by those words. He was abusive and used the Word of God as his choice of discipline. He did twist God's Word to get what he wanted and he pimped God while he hurt hundreds of people. I know that might sound like an indictment on the man, but I am just speaking what hundreds of others know to be the truth. It's no wonder why so many people are turning from the church instead of running to the church.
Now, why is it in His strength? It's simple. If I do it. If I ask you for your help in doing it. "It" will never work out the way it was supposed to because I didn't seek God first. Plain and simple, cut to the chase, over and out.
Don't we ever get tired of things not working out because we failed to seek direction first? I know I do. There have been more than enough "issues" in my life for me not to seek God first. Last week I was talking with our Youth Pastor and he asked me about my testimony. I told him it's a "but God" testimony. I told him how it started over 40 years ago and had brought me to the place that I am at right now.
He made the point of telling me that I have ever reason not to be a Christian - but God. I started my life in the projects of Bridgeport, CT; mom died when I was 5, dad took off before that, moved to several relatives homes before settling in Norwalk, get raped at 13, run away from home twice, move out of the house at 16, try to kill myself at 19, brother gets murdered at 27, sister dies of AIDS from her husband at 29, several aunts and uncles die during all of this time who have a great impact on my life. BUT GOD had a better plan for me. He told me that I should have been a statistic - BUT GOD!!!!!
I feel like preaching!!!! Praise God for His infinite wisdom and unconditional love. I have no right to be the man I am today - BUT GOD!!!! I am so glad He looked beyond who I was, and saw who I could become.
You see, it started at a very young age for me. I was playing around in my aunt's room one day and found a bible. Something in me, made me stop playing and start reading it. It fell open to 2 Timothy 2:22-26 - and spoke about youth. It changed my life from that day going forward. I was 9 years old, and for the next 4 years I was a model child until I got raped. I would get up on Sunday morning and go to church without anyone else in the house. I would walk or ask the neighbor for a ride. For years I would be the only person walking around the house on Sunday morning.
Even after the rape and the hurts - I still believed God had a better plan for me. I was mad at Him for a little while for letting me go through all of this. Then one Sunday, Rev. Williams got up and preached about the children of Israel trying to get away from Pharaoh and how Moses would go to Pharaoh seven times until the freedom finally happened. They wandered for 40 years and then entered the promised land. All of sudden, I found myself in the wilderness. When I ran away, I gave up on church, but not on God. I wanted nothing to do with the church anymore. Nobody there hurt me or did anything to me. I just found the kids to be very unfriendly with the exception of a few classmates and my Sunday School teacher who was also my 7th grade science teacher.
In His strength, I would get up everyday and live my life. The one friend that I trusted told other kids about the rape and I lived a very lonely life until I graduated high school. I was called all kinds of names. Other boys would accuse me of being gay and saying I was "looking" at them in a funny way. But God - I still trusted Him for strength.
I am going to move into present day, that stuff makes me want to cry for all of the kids who are suffering today. Listen parents - if the kid tells you they have been touched - listen to what they have to say. Even if the perpetrator did not have intercourse with them - SOMETHING sexual happened that shouldn't have.
Present day - I still live, move and have my being in His strength. I can't function without Him. I don't pray like I should, I don't read like I should, I don't meditate like I should. There are days when it seems like my tank is on empty - but in His strength I get a refill. I don't wait for the my pastor to preach before I get with God - I take the time and do what I have to do. I don't treat God like He is my servant, but I am His. I don't expect Him to react to my every word, but I should be proactive because of His Word. In His strength I can stand before people and tell them I know God is working things out for me in spite of a lack of a job for almost 3 years. He promised He wouldn't see the righteous forsaken or His seed being bread. In His strength - my family has not gone without food, shelter and clothing. I praise God for my church family who not only check to see if we are doing well, they take steps to make sure we are well, and they provide the need when it presents itself.
I am a blessed man today. I am striving to be a great husband and father. I want to be an example to my children so that they can be proud whenever my name is mentioned. Not because I need the approval of man, but because I wanted to make God proud to be my Father. In His strength, I can do these things.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
What Is He Doing With Me?
As I sit at my desk today, I wonder "what is God doing to me and through me?"
No, this is not a pity party for myself, this is a question and answer session. About a week ago, I had an interview with one of the areas largest employers. My first interview in over a two years. I think it was going well until I couldn't recall how to do revenue recognition. It's not that I didn't know what it was, I just couldn't recall the steps involved. About half way through, a light came on and it was like I never left accounting.
I have not heard from them yet, but the bright side is, I have been offered an opportunity to cater a lunch for 60 people. I am going to take them up on the offer once I hear back from the office that called me. This is where my passion is - in the kitchen cooking and baking. Culinary arts is my dominant gifting and I pray it continues to make room for me.
A few weeks ago, I won the Cub Scout bake-off again. I made a coconut cake with pineapple filling. What won the contest for me was that I didn't just stick the pineapple in the cake, I seasoned them like one would an apple pie. I am always trying to think outside the box. One of the other scout parents told me not to enter next year because I have won 2 out of 3 contests. The only reason I did not win one of them is because I wasn't there to participate.
Just this week, my local bank asked me to make something for them, and my son's school is looking for another lemon cake. I am not trained in cooking, I have not taken any classes, and I think about what I would enjoy eating and would like to share with others. So, again I ask myself - what is He doing with me? I have asked Him over and over again why the offers aren't coming and He keeps pointing me back to the food aspect of my life - it's going to make room for me.
I have a great peace about doing this even in this economy. I believe I can compete with the big guys. I don't say that in arrogance, but in the boldness God has placed in me. If He is with me, who can come against me?
I visited with the greatest retired exec at SCORE in Charlotte and he gave me the best words of encouragement, advice and resources. He took the time to listen to my heart about food, and all of my stories about how important was was/is at all family gatherings. He let me talk about how good God is, and how He blesses me with a new day - everyday. Talking with him has been a great time of fellowship and opportunity to glean information.
He asked me if I would bring back something on my next visit to see him - of course I will. I look at it as a chance to get my ability out there and someone of his caliber to speak it up. The best of advertisement is word of mouth.
I believe "He (God) is preparing me for something that I can't handle right now. He's making me ready for the just because He cares. He's providing me with what I need to carry out what matters in my life. God is preparing me" - Daryl Coley and the Wilmington Chester Mass Choir.
With that, I know I can't pursue wishes, but go after the hope that is within me. I have to write the vision and make it plain. I have to run with it and not faint. I have to take it and write it on the tablets of my heart. I can't sit around and wait to hear back from TLC/Food Network. I know He has placed this burning desire within me to cook and to share great tasting food with the world. The greatest thing is, it's not about the money - my gift will make room for me and give me the increase when the time is right. It's all about doing what He wants me to do. This is a ministry - feeding people is one of the greatest ways to get His Word out to the masses.
I keep hearing, "use what's in your hands" For a long time, I didn't know what that meant because there wasn't anything physical in my hands. After all of these years of being a Christian, I didn't see that it was a spiritual "thing" in my hands - my area of gifting. So, I will do whatever it takes to make a few bucks right now. I have applied for youth minster jobs at other churches, accounting jobs, even at Wal-Mart - what is He doing with me? He's allowing a twig to become a tree. He's allowing to a prince to become a king. He's equipping me.
No, this is not a pity party for myself, this is a question and answer session. About a week ago, I had an interview with one of the areas largest employers. My first interview in over a two years. I think it was going well until I couldn't recall how to do revenue recognition. It's not that I didn't know what it was, I just couldn't recall the steps involved. About half way through, a light came on and it was like I never left accounting.
I have not heard from them yet, but the bright side is, I have been offered an opportunity to cater a lunch for 60 people. I am going to take them up on the offer once I hear back from the office that called me. This is where my passion is - in the kitchen cooking and baking. Culinary arts is my dominant gifting and I pray it continues to make room for me.
A few weeks ago, I won the Cub Scout bake-off again. I made a coconut cake with pineapple filling. What won the contest for me was that I didn't just stick the pineapple in the cake, I seasoned them like one would an apple pie. I am always trying to think outside the box. One of the other scout parents told me not to enter next year because I have won 2 out of 3 contests. The only reason I did not win one of them is because I wasn't there to participate.
Just this week, my local bank asked me to make something for them, and my son's school is looking for another lemon cake. I am not trained in cooking, I have not taken any classes, and I think about what I would enjoy eating and would like to share with others. So, again I ask myself - what is He doing with me? I have asked Him over and over again why the offers aren't coming and He keeps pointing me back to the food aspect of my life - it's going to make room for me.
I have a great peace about doing this even in this economy. I believe I can compete with the big guys. I don't say that in arrogance, but in the boldness God has placed in me. If He is with me, who can come against me?
I visited with the greatest retired exec at SCORE in Charlotte and he gave me the best words of encouragement, advice and resources. He took the time to listen to my heart about food, and all of my stories about how important was was/is at all family gatherings. He let me talk about how good God is, and how He blesses me with a new day - everyday. Talking with him has been a great time of fellowship and opportunity to glean information.
He asked me if I would bring back something on my next visit to see him - of course I will. I look at it as a chance to get my ability out there and someone of his caliber to speak it up. The best of advertisement is word of mouth.
I believe "He (God) is preparing me for something that I can't handle right now. He's making me ready for the just because He cares. He's providing me with what I need to carry out what matters in my life. God is preparing me" - Daryl Coley and the Wilmington Chester Mass Choir.
With that, I know I can't pursue wishes, but go after the hope that is within me. I have to write the vision and make it plain. I have to run with it and not faint. I have to take it and write it on the tablets of my heart. I can't sit around and wait to hear back from TLC/Food Network. I know He has placed this burning desire within me to cook and to share great tasting food with the world. The greatest thing is, it's not about the money - my gift will make room for me and give me the increase when the time is right. It's all about doing what He wants me to do. This is a ministry - feeding people is one of the greatest ways to get His Word out to the masses.
I keep hearing, "use what's in your hands" For a long time, I didn't know what that meant because there wasn't anything physical in my hands. After all of these years of being a Christian, I didn't see that it was a spiritual "thing" in my hands - my area of gifting. So, I will do whatever it takes to make a few bucks right now. I have applied for youth minster jobs at other churches, accounting jobs, even at Wal-Mart - what is He doing with me? He's allowing a twig to become a tree. He's allowing to a prince to become a king. He's equipping me.
Monday, March 7, 2011
He Can't Hear God
Recently, I listened to Derwin Gray in Fort Mill. He is a good teacher/preacher in Fort Mill. One of my friends told me to listen to his podcast because of the last post I did. Now, if you know me and how much I love the Lord, you also know that I don't listen to everyone who is on TV. The last thing I am going to do is send someone money for "miracle water" or an "anointed handkerchief" I am not into - "everyone is prosperous" when the Bible clearly states " the poor you will have with you always" Derwin did not try to sell anything but, he did try to get you to listen to the voice of the Lord.
To make my point, let me get back to Derwin Gray. He was talking about relationships and how they tend to bad. Not because of how things were going between the man and the woman, but between the man and God. I did like what he had to say about relationships - it was a good sermon.
I hear a lot of men say that they are not hearing anything from God today. They can't seem to focus on the Word while they are reading. They aren't being ministered to in the way that they should be. They are so stressed out at home, work and in the community, and there seems to be arrows coming at them from every side. They don't know when or how it got "this bad" or "I didn't see it coming"
Digging deeper into their personal lives, there was a common thread that I just couldn't help but notice. Every single one of these men have/had wives who were very strong willed, had larger than life personalities, had hurtful relationships in their pasts, and their wives had nothing good to say about them or to them.
While none of these "excuses" justifies the male lack of a relationship with God. However, I do understand what they are saying. Think about from our vantage point. Why would I want to pray with a woman who called me less than a man? Why would I pray for you when you tell me I am not a real man? Why would I seek out the Lord on your behalf when you compare me to other men? He can't hear the voice of the Lord, when all he hears is yours.
Men want to hear the main points, go and process it, work it out and move on. If you want him to be the man of God that he was always destined to be, then you need to be quiet, pray for him that God will work out his issues, stop pointing the finger at him - he feels bad enough, learn how to encourage him even when things don't look that great. It's no wonder he can't stay focused, he is too worried about what you are going to tell him he could be doing instead of reading the Bible. He is stressing about about paying bills when he should be trusting God who promised that He would never see His righteous forsaken or His seed begging bread. In the midst of the storm, the man can't hear God's still small voice because the voice of doubt, discouragement, emotional deterioration and verbal beat downs have taken him to a very low place.
If he is showing you he values you - why can't you do the same in return for him? Why do you disrespect him in front of the kids? Those same kids are going to think that's the way marriage is, and we will have divorced daughters and weak sons. They model what they see.
To all of my brothers out there - regardless of what your skin looks like - we are all brothers trying to reach the same place - home with Jesus. Make sure you are doing your part to be the prince, priest, provider, protector and prophet of your home. I haven't worked a day in almost 3 years and yes, there are days when I feel like I don't provide for my family. Providing goes above and beyond money. You have to give your heart to your wife, children and your home. If you be honest with yourself, you might have a hand in the issues and you might have to eat a little crow. I am not telling you to be like one of my readers who does all of apologizing and has to say why he's sorry and she NEVER does the same for him. I am saying love her more than you love yourself. Hug her when she is not huggable to you at that moment. Encourage her to dream and tell her that she can do whatever she sets her mind to do. Bring/send her flowers just because. Run that hot bath in anticipation that she might need a moment to relax and get away for that short moment. In short, because the prince charming that she fell in love with.
Ladies, you know how to pick a fight with him. You know all of the right buttons to push. You even know how far to push him before he retaliates with hurtful words. If you want you man to hear from God, you have to love him from a different direction. Turn off that TV and stop comparing him to these fake, unrealistic ideas of what a man and a husband should look like, act like and be like. Those shows are for ratings and getting people to live a life of unrealized dreams and fantasy. If God wanted us to be programmed, he would have made us into robots like the Stepford wives. As men, we aren't supposed to "show emotion" I don't know where that hog wash came from, but it needs to be squashed.
We have emotional needs just like you do. We like to have our egos stroked once in a while. We like it when you make us feel like a man. We want you to share our dreams and goals for ourselves, our family and our relationship. We want to hear what God is saying to us about our homes, but we need you to give us time to hear Him over what you have to say. We want you to respect us enough, that we are hearing God speak to us and through us. We don't want to be compared to other men. Ask yourself this - why did I choose him? Make that list of all of his qualities and what you consider his shortcomings and then pray about them. Men - you do the same thing and really pray from a place of love for her. IF you really want to hear from God - get your heart to a place where He would want to reside. He is standing at the door looking for a vacancy sign - not "no room in the inn" Your heart is the seat of your soul - just give it Him.
If you are genuinely praying for each other, and not a "God please change him/her. I can't stand it when...." No, you took vows that said for better or for worse. In your weakness, you will find strength. Those places that you think are weakness are really presenting themselves as opportunities to grow together. So, if you want him/her to hear God's Voice - you need to close your mouth, repent and start thinking about how you are going to present your words, prior to letting them have free reign over your. Words are like toothpaste, once it's out, you can't put it back.
To make my point, let me get back to Derwin Gray. He was talking about relationships and how they tend to bad. Not because of how things were going between the man and the woman, but between the man and God. I did like what he had to say about relationships - it was a good sermon.
I hear a lot of men say that they are not hearing anything from God today. They can't seem to focus on the Word while they are reading. They aren't being ministered to in the way that they should be. They are so stressed out at home, work and in the community, and there seems to be arrows coming at them from every side. They don't know when or how it got "this bad" or "I didn't see it coming"
Digging deeper into their personal lives, there was a common thread that I just couldn't help but notice. Every single one of these men have/had wives who were very strong willed, had larger than life personalities, had hurtful relationships in their pasts, and their wives had nothing good to say about them or to them.
While none of these "excuses" justifies the male lack of a relationship with God. However, I do understand what they are saying. Think about from our vantage point. Why would I want to pray with a woman who called me less than a man? Why would I pray for you when you tell me I am not a real man? Why would I seek out the Lord on your behalf when you compare me to other men? He can't hear the voice of the Lord, when all he hears is yours.
Men want to hear the main points, go and process it, work it out and move on. If you want him to be the man of God that he was always destined to be, then you need to be quiet, pray for him that God will work out his issues, stop pointing the finger at him - he feels bad enough, learn how to encourage him even when things don't look that great. It's no wonder he can't stay focused, he is too worried about what you are going to tell him he could be doing instead of reading the Bible. He is stressing about about paying bills when he should be trusting God who promised that He would never see His righteous forsaken or His seed begging bread. In the midst of the storm, the man can't hear God's still small voice because the voice of doubt, discouragement, emotional deterioration and verbal beat downs have taken him to a very low place.
If he is showing you he values you - why can't you do the same in return for him? Why do you disrespect him in front of the kids? Those same kids are going to think that's the way marriage is, and we will have divorced daughters and weak sons. They model what they see.
To all of my brothers out there - regardless of what your skin looks like - we are all brothers trying to reach the same place - home with Jesus. Make sure you are doing your part to be the prince, priest, provider, protector and prophet of your home. I haven't worked a day in almost 3 years and yes, there are days when I feel like I don't provide for my family. Providing goes above and beyond money. You have to give your heart to your wife, children and your home. If you be honest with yourself, you might have a hand in the issues and you might have to eat a little crow. I am not telling you to be like one of my readers who does all of apologizing and has to say why he's sorry and she NEVER does the same for him. I am saying love her more than you love yourself. Hug her when she is not huggable to you at that moment. Encourage her to dream and tell her that she can do whatever she sets her mind to do. Bring/send her flowers just because. Run that hot bath in anticipation that she might need a moment to relax and get away for that short moment. In short, because the prince charming that she fell in love with.
Ladies, you know how to pick a fight with him. You know all of the right buttons to push. You even know how far to push him before he retaliates with hurtful words. If you want you man to hear from God, you have to love him from a different direction. Turn off that TV and stop comparing him to these fake, unrealistic ideas of what a man and a husband should look like, act like and be like. Those shows are for ratings and getting people to live a life of unrealized dreams and fantasy. If God wanted us to be programmed, he would have made us into robots like the Stepford wives. As men, we aren't supposed to "show emotion" I don't know where that hog wash came from, but it needs to be squashed.
We have emotional needs just like you do. We like to have our egos stroked once in a while. We like it when you make us feel like a man. We want you to share our dreams and goals for ourselves, our family and our relationship. We want to hear what God is saying to us about our homes, but we need you to give us time to hear Him over what you have to say. We want you to respect us enough, that we are hearing God speak to us and through us. We don't want to be compared to other men. Ask yourself this - why did I choose him? Make that list of all of his qualities and what you consider his shortcomings and then pray about them. Men - you do the same thing and really pray from a place of love for her. IF you really want to hear from God - get your heart to a place where He would want to reside. He is standing at the door looking for a vacancy sign - not "no room in the inn" Your heart is the seat of your soul - just give it Him.
If you are genuinely praying for each other, and not a "God please change him/her. I can't stand it when...." No, you took vows that said for better or for worse. In your weakness, you will find strength. Those places that you think are weakness are really presenting themselves as opportunities to grow together. So, if you want him/her to hear God's Voice - you need to close your mouth, repent and start thinking about how you are going to present your words, prior to letting them have free reign over your. Words are like toothpaste, once it's out, you can't put it back.
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