Scout Leader

Well tonight, I had to lead my very first Pack Meeting as Cub Master.  I walked into the church and I was about as nervous as I could be.  Looking out at a sea of faces, both young and old was a bit intimidating. For some strange reason, I felt uneasy.  As many times as I have preached a sermon, taught Sunday School, sang in the choir, spoke at seminars and many more public speaking events -this one made me nervous.

I am not sure it was because of the shoes I had to fill, the expectation of the scouts, the looks of the veteran parents vs the new parents, or  my own excitement.  No matter what, it was a good night.  We started at 6:45 and we were out of there at 7:43.  I thought that the night was moving slowly and then I looked at the clock.  I was so determined to be out of there in 2 hours or less.  I never thought we would be out in under an hour.

No problem, I now know that I can stretch things out a little more, give the scouts more time and make the meeting more fun for everyone.  I am looking forward to doing more, and putting my own stamp on the pack.  I completely forgot to give credit to one of the dads for his hard work on the website.. 

The scouts this year are great.  I wouldn't trade even one of them for anything.  There is one of my older scouts who took a brand new first grader and made that little boy his personal project.  Both mothers were ecstatic with the prospect of the 5th grader taking a 1st grader under his wing.  It goes to show that scouting does work for all of the boys.  When one can take the program and have the desire to teach it to a younger one - then we have won this battle and the war is ours.

This Pack makes me wan t to do more and to do better week after week.  Some of our leaders just go above and beyond the call of duty and they make my job so easy to do.  I have a few bumps in the road to work out, but things are still going forward.  If I fall down, I can get back up and try again. 

Now that tonight is over, I am expecting more strength for the next  obstacle and journey.  I have some bridges to rebuild with friends that I miss.  No, I am not perfect and trust me, there are those who remind me.  However, I am trying to be a good person and friend.  Again,  I love my friends in scouting.

Trying to Work It Out

Today has been a day of "let's work things out the best we can"  I just got off of the phone with a mattress company to see what the warranty is on 3 sets of bedding that we purchased when we bought the house last year.  To my surprise it's only 1 year because they were "promo" sets.  I asked how was I supposed to know that and where is that stated on the mattress labels.

Well, there is nothing on the labels to indicate there is a limited warranty. Needing to know what recourse I have - they told me that is now water under the bridge and I could buy a new set if I wanted to upgrade the bedding.  I don't have a problem with the bedding, I have a problem with deceptive business practices.  As consumers we have the right to have all product information disclosed up front where we can see them.  Who knew that the word "code" stood for "warranty"  Everyone is looking for ways to keep their business afloat and I really do understand that in these economic times.  But, don't hurt the person who is keeping your business operating.

So what did I do, I called the State of NC to find out what people do if they feel like they have been taken advantage of.  They said you have to file a complaint with them, call the BBB and let the manufacturer know you are filing said complaint.  I get, cover all of your bases.  No problem - will do.


Anyway, this morning I am listening to the Yolanda Adams Morning Show and she has the President on her show.  He was there stressing the importance of getting out to vote in this mid-term election.  I do plan to get out and vote and I plan to vote with my heart after much prayer.  I want to make sure that the people I vote for, are the people who are going to make a difference in this country on every level.  I have never voted party line because I am not a registered democrat or republican.  Do I think our President is doing a good job?  There are days I love him and days I wonder "what was he thinking?".  Either way, I am supposed to pray for him and every other leader.  Not to dance around my own question, I think he is doing what he can, with the hand he has been dealt.

I don't agree with everything he does.  I would like to see more progress on a bipartisan level.  I have days when I feel like that lady at the town hall meeting who told him that she was frustrated by his administration.  I was not looking for some magical fairy dust to make everything better overnight, I was looking for some kind of relief by now.  Someone needs to make all of these banks give back to the homeowners so they can keep their homes.  Someone needs to force these companies that were given billions to create the jobs that were promised when they got stimulus funding. Someone needs to make sure our senior citizens are taken care of - they did their part by building this country and then we turn our backs on them - shame on us.

I was just offered a job to aide senior citizens in getting supplemental insurance to go with their medicare.  When they told me that I would also have to "eventually" go after their IRA's, pensions, annunities, etc and reinvest them - my Christian integrity kicked in.  I do not want to or wish to be a predator of the elderly and their money.  What if you give them bad advice and they lose everything?  How can you sleep at night knowing that you are taking their money to make money in a dishonest way?  I am sure the reason I did not get the job is because I came a across as apprehensive to the idea.

I am back at square one looking for a job.  No worries, God is working all things out for the good of them that LOVE the Lord and are the called according to HIS purpose.  Besides, He promised to show me a more excellent way.

Working things out may take more time than I would like, but time is all I have right now.  I am going to go into the polls next Tuesday and vote with my heart.  Forget all of the negative ads on TV, the personal attacks they have against each other, and who is endorsing who - I really don't care.  I just want to know what can you honestly do for the state of the town,state and country.  Don't make me a bunch of promises you can't keep, or don't intend to honor.  Be a man or woman of your word.  Everybody has some skeletons in their closet that they wish would stay there.  Your past is your past.  Let's move forward and get things accomplished for our children and the future of this country.


I enjoy sitting in on the town hall meeting via the phone with Sue Myrick (Republican).  She doesn't care that I am not in her party, she cares about what's on my mind and she answers all questions with a genuine heart.  I am going to vote for her.  Her record stands for itself and no one can question her intent, or her stand on the issues.  There are some that I voted for before, that I do not intend to vote for again.  Yes, it is time for change on all levels.  Let's just make sure we have given change a chance.  I don't expect miracle from the President after 18 months - I do expect tangible results.  I am not disheartened by him, I am however  concerned for him.  Will he get a second term - no one knows, will the Congress shift to the other party - no one really knows.  What I do know, is that along with millions of other Americans who are trying to work things out - I am tired of the same lack of results day after day.  I know I will not EVER vote for Palin

As a people of this country, let your voice be heard.  Offer up ideas to get the country back to work.  Get our jobs back from foreign countries, they aren't sending theirs here. Time to work it out.

Merit Based Pay Looking Better and Better

Yesterday my son came home and told me that a teacher's aide would not help him get onto a computer system that the entire class was working on.  He said he raised his hand, asked for help and she told him, "I help you every Tuesday and I am not helping you - keep trying"  Well, he tried and tried. He tried for 1/2 an hour and then it was time for his class to leave.   He never got to work on his reading comprehension module, he never got to work on vocabulary building skills and he never got to learn new skills.

Angry doesn't begin to describe how I am feeling.  Irate, appalled, dismayed and discouraged are better adjectives to describe the steam building up inside of this tea kettle.  Before I blew up, I had to ask some very important questions.  What did you do while the rest of the class worked  - answer - nothing?  Did you keep asking for help - yes? Did she help other students - yes? Did she give you your new password and username - yes?  Did you tell your teacher - no? What program were you working on - Study Island?  How long is the class-1/2 and hour.  The questions went on for about 20 minutes until I had enough information to call/email the school with.

His teacher got back to me right away and I am waiting for the aide and the principal to respond.  I want to know why she has a job that she is not willing to take the time to help EVERY student no matter how many times the password doesn't work.  There are too many teachers  and aides out of work who would love to have her job.  These are 3rd grade kids we are talking about.  Ask them what they typed, and then demonstrate for them how to get into the system.  Stand there long enough to watch those who need help, enter their personal information.

It's people like this particular aide who make teachers look bad.  She was the perfect argument for merit based pay vs tenure pay.  It wasn't until I looked further, that I discovered she was an aide and not a teacher.  This has caused quite the debate in my house.  Education is one of those areas that I am going to become a pit bull and fight until ALL children are getting the best that the Board of Ed can offer.  I am not looking for special treatment for my children - I am looking for schools to treat them equally.  My son has enough educational development issues to deal with and then he is sitting at dinner last night with his head down because he is confused and upset because he couldn't get the help he needed.  Not good - time to meet the staff and talk about this.  I will keep my cool and I will not blow up. I know that many of the kids there know me as the Room Dad, Cub Master, Sunday School Teacher, etc., etc. - they need to see how adults are supposed to act instead of how I might want to act.

Yes, I am angry and will not sin in that anger.  Thank God the Bible doesn't say "don't get angry"  Afterall, Jesus was angry when he overturned the tables of the money changers in His Father's House for ripping off the people who were there to buy dove and lambs for the sacrifice.  I don't plan on going Jersey Housewives table turning on them, but I do plan to turn the tables and ask her how she could treat a student this way.

I just hope she doesn't question him without a parent present - that wouldn't be good.  The CT school system knows me all too well to know that I will go to the next level before they can blink an eye.  I just hope they don't make me go there.  If I don't get the answers from the local, I am going to the county.  If they can't answer me, I am going to the state.  Somebody is going to resolve whatever issues I see.  Again, it's not just for my kids - it's for all kids. 

Do your job with excellence, or find a new one!!!!!!!! 

Pondering

This is going to be a day of pondering.  Why - new day, new issues, joys, thoughts, etc.  Today I am going to go to this job agency and pray all the way there that, they have an interview for me.  Parking in Charlotte is like parking in mid-town Manhattan - EXPENSIVE.  The last time I went uptown and parked in the Bank of America lot - they charged me $12 for two hours, and I was interviewing for them.  So I sit and ponder right now.  How much am I going to miss being a stay at home dad?  Will the kids suffer from me not being home when they arrive? How do we manage dinner now?  What happens to my "Room Dad" status?  Will Cub Scouts pay the cost of me not being able to work on things during the day?

A lot of questions that are in need of answers.  What to do, what to do? 

I'll tell you what I am going to do.  I am going to go to this agency today and see what they have to say and what they have to offer.  I just pray they are not trying to send me all the way to Spartanburg, SC again.  Really, who commutes 100 miles each way to work?  I don't want to go from on extreme to another by seeing my family all do - to never seeing them at all.  It was a good company and the pay was excellent, but I just couldn't leave the house at 6AM and get back home after 8PM - IF traffic wasn't bad.  I am going to go upstairs, iron my shirt and get going.


We took our son and one of his friends to Carowinds(amusement park) yesterday.  What a great day out - it was 75+ degrees and light winds.  We chose the perfect time of day - right after church.  They do something there called Scarowinds - for halloween.  There is a kid-friendly version that we just walked past.  It's funny how two boys can act one way at home and a do a complete 180 in public.  His friend usually tries to get Michael to try new things, new games, etc when we are at home.  Take that same friend to the park and Michael is now the leader getting him to try new rides and take more risks.  They balanced each other and it was good to watch. 

I am so thankful for the friends that he has on the street we live on.  They are good boys and they genuinely like being with each other.  Now that it's getting a bit cooler, that means our house is about to be filled with the laughter of three boys, shoes piled up at the door, snacks flowing into the game room and the three of them deciding who is going to go first when they play Wii and Xbox.  What happens when I go to work - I miss out on all of that, that's what happens.  Strange, now that a remote chance of an interview is looming in the corner - I find myself questioning if I really want to go back to work.  Trust me, I want to go to work and I want to be able to be home when the kids get here.  In my field of accounting - the chances of that happening are slim to none.

I missed out on a lot when I worked full time for an international company.  The hours were long (8AM - 9/10PM) and it was expected that I would stay and get the job done.  I promised myself that I would never sacrifice my family like that again and I need to honor that promise.  I need to be honest going into the job with myself and the employer about my quality of life.  The last thing I want to do is have another stroke at work because of the stress.

There are people in my life who say one thing and do something else.  I am fine with that, just don't think that me and the rest of the world are idiots.  We are on to you and we know you well.  We know you well enough not to ask you to do too much, for favors, or expect too much from you.  I wonder and ponder why people treat each other that way.  They never see their own faults, but are quick to point out yours to you, and then have the nerve to demand that you change who you are to accommodate them.  My favorite is the person who gives parental advise, yet their own children act like the seed of Chucky, mixed with a little Dennis the Menace and topped off with a dollop of a UFC fighter. They think their child(ren) are just being kids - wrong.  It's called a lack of parental control.  Be careful - the news is full of children from "good homes, and we never saw it coming"  You saw it, you just chose to look the other way and blamed it on ADD ,ADHD, ODD and all of the other "diagnosis" the doctor tried to come up with.

It's not about a new found term for bad behavior, or a new pill to shove down a kid's throat, it's about giving the power back to the parents.  Like Madea said - "Cora threatened to call 911, I slapped her so hard, she dialed 919"  No I am not advocating abusing your child, I am saying that they need to learn that there are boundaries and not to cross them.   As hard as it is to raise little children, it's just as hard raising a young adult, teens, preteens and an adolescent.  They have to have the last word, want to talk back and disrespect you, and cut you off mid-sentence.  I had to tell one my girls "I am so sorry that the beginning of your sentence interrupted the middle of mine?  I have come to a place of ZERO tolerance.  It's corrected on the spot - you come at me wrong in public, it's corrected on the spot.  I have to keep the stress level down.  No more holding it in!!!!!!!!!!


I have a new kind of stress and I like it.  I stress over making sure homework gets done, what's for dinner and do I have the ingredients in the house, how do I get the kids in all places at the same time, how much laundry needs to be done, how can I make my wife happier, church, scouts, community?  It's the little things that I stress over and it keeps my blood pressure down to a comfortable level.

Pondering - just thinking about all that the day holds.  Thinking back over the events of the previous day while I smile about them.  I choose to focus on the good things, realizing that there were a few road bumps along the way.  The time spent between the bumps, are worth laughing and smiling about until I get that wonderful pain in my side that causes tears to run down my cheeks because I am so blessed. 

Thanks Tyler Perry

Last night I sat with my wife and watched Oprah as Tyler Perry shared about his life.  Thank God a man is willing to be vulnerable with the rest of the world.  He spoke about how he was sexually and physically abused by several men and a woman - all before he was a teenager.

Before I knew what happened, I was overcome with emotion.  It all came back to me.  I can still remember the day like it was yesterday.  June 12, 1979.  I was out delivering the local paper and I got to his apartment to get my payment of $1.20 - the paper was $0.20 a day with no Sunday paper.  Mr. Green (not his real name) had a habit of answering his door in his underwear.  As a kid, you don't think much of it.  But this day something was different about the way he came to the door.  I wasn't sure what it was, but he was different this day.  He told me to come in while he got the money.  I didn't think anything of it because I went into everyone's house to get paid.  Mr. Green came back out of his room and told me to lock the door because his lock was broken.  Being to trusting - I locked it and then his underwear went to the floor and he grabbed me, dragged me into his bedroom and he raped me.  He told me not to make a sound and not to tell anybody or he would hurt me and them.  I yelled into the bed when I felt him rip through me.  When he was done, he told me to get dressed and get out.  I left crying holding tight to my delivery bag.  I threw all of the remaining papers in the trash and sat behind the dumpster until I got myself together.  I could feel the dampness of my underwear from the blood so I ran home and jumped in the shower.  I couldn't stay in there in long enough to wash his disgusting scent off of my body.  The shower was painful and I kept bleeding.  I put the clothes in a bag, tied it up and threw it in the dumpster. I felt worthless, bruised and thought everyone knew my "little" secret.  The shame that goes with the hurt is debilitating.   I never delivered the paper again after that day.  Everyone wanted to know why - and I never gave a good enough reason.

That jerk would sit out on his front porch and taunt me for weeks, asking where his paper was.  He kept saying he was going to report me to the local paper - and he did.  They called my house and asked me to keep delivering the paper and I refused to.  There were 50+ homes that now had to go an buy the paper at a local store, and he thought he got the last laugh.

It hurt for days to go to the bathroom and to sit down.  My entire life changed after that day.  It was the end of the school year and I became disconnected from most of my friends. I didn't want to be bothered with anyone. Like Tyler Perry said last night - I didn't see the triggers.  Gym class became a place of torment for me.  I was so confused when we would change for gym and seeing the other boys in their underwear scared the life out of me.  I remember having to play dodge ball in gym and Mr. Mewing reaching for me as I hid the corner - he had to call home and get someone to talk me out.  My grades began to slip, my behavior was changing and I would never look at the male species the same again.  I carried that burden for almost 9 years before I told anyone.  It wasn't until I was in college and got a call from one of my hometown friends telling me that a former neighbor had died.  I went home just to make sure he was in fact dead - I felt such a relief.

Being one of 10 male college cheerleaders was a blast and a torture at the same time.  At one particular football game, we were changing out of our uniforms with the football team in the next room and I kept hearing locks and seeing naked players - I freaked out and ran out.  My friend John (also my roommate), came after me.  I thought I was done with this mess.  Before I knew it, I was trying to kill myself sitting on a table outside the student union.  I had to go home and tell someone.  I had to tell how I felt and come to understand that I didn't do anything to deserve it.  Just like I didn't do anything to deserve being locked in a closet, called dumb and stupid.  Being told that I was nothing and that I would never be good for anything.  I hated men in authority.  I had little to no respect for them and I put up a wall that would not be broken down.  I blamed my father - which ever man it is - for leaving me and not being there to protect me. After all, I was only 13 years old and puberty was doing a number on me.

Church had it's own set of abuses.  If you ever need healing from a controlling pastor who manipulated the members into getting what he wants - at your expense - read "War In The Pews."  That's a sermon for another day.  Some Pastors ' black and white - will destroy you if you aren't careful and watchful.

Thank you Tyler for being a strong enough man to stand up and talk about what you've been through.  Thanks for shedding light on what's really going on in the home and in the world.  As a people, African Americans are taught at a very young age,that "what goes on in our house, stays in our house and you better not tell anybody"

Where is my life now.  I am at a place of being healed.  I love what Tyler said in one of his plays, "forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you so you can move on with your life"  Nothing could be more true.  Once I forgave, I was able to completely healed.  Am I 100% with all of my relationships - no.  Because I forgive, doesn't mean I have to have a continued relationship with the person.  It means I forgive you.  Hurt me once - shame on you, hurt me twice - shame on me.  I will be cordial and kind, but the relationship will probably never be the same.  I forgive all of the abusive pastors, I forgive my mother, my uncles and the men who claim to be my father, I forgive all of the guys who called me names even though they were unaware of what my past was like.  Most of all, I forgive myself for allowing the thoughts, the memories and people have control over me.

Whenever I hear a kid say they have been hurt - and they give major details - I believe them the first time.  Especially when it's about a family member or a close friend of the family.  There, it's out there for the world to see.  The sense of relief that I have right now is only from God.  A weight has been lifted and I don't have to wonder if men are looking at me in a strange way.  I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!  I know who I am, and whose I am.  I am a child of God. I love my male friends, my real friends, and I have no problem telling them that I love them.  A real man is secure with his manhood.  I am safe in the arms of a God who will never leave me, nor forsake me.

So to all of my male friends reading this, I love you man.  Grab your son, hug him and tell him that you love him.

A Feeling of Gratitude

Today I am awestruck by the hearts of the people I serve with at church, scouts and in the community.  I thank my God that I am surrounded by people with a positive outlook on life.  There are some people who came up for the day this past weekend and I was so happy to see them.  I was scheduled to take 62 people camping and we took a total of 72.  We had more than enough food, more than enough camping spaces, more then enough games for the boys to play, and more than enough of ourselves to give.

I am sitting here this morning wondering why the world is looking as badly as it does, when there are people like the those in my life.  The news gives us ALL the bad and very little of the good.  It's time for us to change that.  We pay for them to be on the air therefore, we should call them every single time something great is going on in our communities.  Children need to see themselves in a positive light.  Given the state of our country and how angry people are with government, let's give them a glimmer of hope and a moment of joy. Nothing makes people smile more than seeing children going well.

Being completely honest, I love living in small town America.  The "downtown" area is so small you don't even realize you drove through it.  Yet, I live so close to Charlotte - you see the skyline - but I have zero desire to live there as beautiful as it is.

I treated myself to breakfast yesterday and I found out that the real southern hospitality is only found in the establishments that have been around forever.  They still call you Sir and you can't help but say "yes mam, yes sir; no mam, no sir" and they say it in return.  The mutual respect is there and it's not hiding itself.  The northern influence is coming to the south and it's destroying the charm of the south.  Being one of those from the north, I am grateful for the southern influence.  It's a reminder of simpler times.  Most people here are still in the hurry up and slow down mode.  I hate to say it, but I am that way now and it only took 2 years to get there.  Things will get done when they get done.  Relax, take a deep breathe and enjoy the fresh air - it will be o.k. at the end of the day. And, if it's not o.k. - get a cup of coffee, enjoy the crisp October air and take another breathe.

I have a scout friend named Adam and I love the way he interacts with the scouts.  It's obvious that he loves being a big scout himself.  He looks like nothing bothers him and he loves life.  Him being a DJ gives him the advantage of having a great personality.  You just want to be around him and when he speaks, you can hear the happiness in his voice.  Stress is not part of his vocabulary.  I am grateful for people like Adam because they teach you to let the little things blow away in the wind.

This might sound strange to some but, I have a little puppet friend names Sunny.  Just thinking about her makes me smile.  I used to teach 6-8 year olds up in Connecticut with a great friend (Tani).  She has a puppet named Sunny.  Sunny and I would teach the class together and she became a member of the class.  She would sit on the edge of the puppet stage and speak to the class.  She had the best facial expressions and her heart for the Lord and the kids could not be compared.  Tani made Sunny come to life and the kids would come to a roar whenever Sunny was in class.  Yeah, they knew she was a puppet, but it was all about how Tani used her to minister to the class that made me grateful for the opportunity to teach.  To sound like Forrest Gump - "we went together like bread and jam"

I will make the most of this day that God has blessed me to wake up and see.  I'll do my best to make it more enjoyable for someone else with something as simple as a smile.  I am going to become a contagious Christian.  While we were camping, we had church on Sunday.  The minister gave out puzzle pieces to everyone as they entered the picturesque outdoor chapel that overlooked Badin Lake and the mountains as the sun rose and shone through the stained glass cross.  He reminded us that we are pieces of the puzzle that make up the spiritual body.  If one piece is missing, the puzzle is incomplete and so are our lives.  The hand cannot tell the foot that I have no need of you, nor can the ear tell they eye - I don't need you.  God knew what He was doing when He created each one of us.  I am grateful for you, and I pray you are grateful for me.  I love every single people God has allowed to be a part of my body - even those who have done me wrong.  I am who I am because of the struggles and strengths.

Today is all about a feeling of gratitude - catch it!!!!!!

Dog Tired

I hit the bed last night at about 8:30PM.  Don't know what was on TV,don't really care.  All I know is that I woke up and it was 5:45AM.  Everything on me is sore.  I feel like I just got back from the gym after being away for a few weeks.  It's that soreness that lets you know that you've had a really good workout. Well I guess I did, the half mile walk to the campsite 4-5 times everyday and then getting lost trying to find the latrine vs the port-a-potty in the dark is more than enough to be sore today.  My son fell asleep at about 7PM - he took a hot bath, got dressed for bed and when we looked in on him, he was spread out on top of his blankets, his build a bear monkeys and other things.  Try moving a 134LB  8 year old - good luck. (Note to self - he needs a men's 9.5 boot before the next trip)

Now that my son is on the bus heading off to school, I can finish washing the clothes we took and get the smoke smell out, repack the containers with all of our gear, set-up and clean up our tent and let the sleeping bags air out, reapply the silicone sealer to the seams and then relabel everything.

I am REALLY looking forward to the next trip. I didn't realize how much I missed going camping until this past weekend.  I know my wife and the girls are not coming - they already told me that if they couldn't make reservations they would just stay home.  But, my son and I are back out there in Dec to rough it again.

Today, it looks like a day to sleep.  No one in the next room snoring, no one unable to sleep because it's their first time camping, and cute little baby crying - just me, my warm bed in a quiet house.  I will put that C-Pap mask on and knock out.  I will not have a problem going back to sleep - count on that!!!

I know - you're thinking "what about dinner tonight?" Well, finally found some pizza that is as close to Famous Pizza as we could.  The pie was so big, the sides had to be bent to fit in the box,nice crispy crust and no reflux.  That is dinner tonight - I will do something for them tomorrow night.

The dog is in his crate snoring - I am going to my room and do the same - Dog Tired!!!!

Had A BLAST

This weekend was my first activity as Cub Master - WE WENT CAMPING, 72 people. It was a bit overwhelming at first, and then it happened.  All of the veteran scout parents jumped right in and started putting up the canopy, positioning the trailer, pulling out the chuck boxes and laughing it up.

There were more new scouts and parents at this event than there were vets.  All of the new parents jumped right in and got themselves acclimated to how things run.  I was a proud Cub Master.  After we got back to the hut, they were still saying what a great time they had.

One of our dens put it together and once we got to the campgrounds - Elis took control and got it running like a fine tuned machine.  Of course it got cold at night, but once I put on the sweatpants, got in the sleeping bag - it got warm very quickly.  Forget a good nights sleep.  My son slept like a rock.  In the tent next me was a new dad and his kids.  The son was a little uncomfortable sleeping outside for the first time.  But dad calmed him down and  everything went fine the rest of the night.  In another tent there was a cute little two year old that reminded me of Boo from Monsters Inc. that cried all night long.  I later found out they didn't bring an air mattress for her - they used pads and sleeping bags - not a good mix.  One of my boys went on his own for the first time and he amazed even me.  I never had to look for him.  I never had to tell him to go and take a shower.  I didn't have to tell him to go to bed.  He put up his own tent, found his own spot and shared with another boy.  His mom was so worried and when I told her how well he did, she was so relieved.

These boys had a great weekend.  Who wouldn't with 69 other packs with carnival style games going and getting candy at every single one of the game?  They shot BB Guns and did Archery, rowed canoes and hunted for gold, spoke on ham radios to kids in 25 other countries, took a hayride and much more.

The best times were around the fire at night.  Getting to know the parents better, listening to the boys joke around, and them getting to know more about me.  I learned more about myself this weekend than I've ever learned before.  I now know that I have what it takes to stand in the gap when things seem to falling apart all around me.  I learned to listen to the story of fellow parents because we actually have more in common than I originally thought.  I learned that we have some very respectful and well mannered boys.  I learned that everyone really does not want to be the chief over everything, but they are willing to share the wealth because they understand that one day, their son is moving in the boy scouts and someone needs to know the job they are currently doing.  I learned that people just need to asked to help and then see the results of how great they are at the task you've asked them to take on.  I've learned that nothing is so bad that you don't already know the answer to.  The food was out of this world.  Cooking at camp is some good eats.  Peach Cobbler cooked in a dutch oven over an open fire - THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

I sat outside on Saturday night all alone after everyone had gone to bed, looked up at the stars.  When I found Orion, I looked at his belt and his sword and immediately thought about the full armor of God.  When you wear truth - you never have to look back and try to remember what you said or where you came from.  Scouting is a great experience.  I through another log on the fire and thought about the days events - and I smiled as I remembered all of the little things.  As for the sword on Orion's belt - to us it represents the Spirit.  Like the Spirit - it slices through all kinds of problems, issues, temptations and every other hinderance that tries to interrupt your day.

My son was excited, enjoyed the day with his friends and rested with a smile on his face.  All the way home, he and I talked about the best part of the trip.  He really enjoyed the camp fire best while making s'mores.  So, at the end of the day - would I do it again - in a New York minute.  I am growing very attached to this pack and I just pray for guidance and direction from God, Chris and the leaders.  Like I said - I had a blast.

New Day, New Attitude

Today has got to be better than yesterday.  So far, so good.  All I am thinking about is going camping this weekend.  As the days pass, I get more excited about spending some time outside, under the stars, in a tent with my son and 30 other scouts and their families.  This might sound strange, but camping is one of the most relaxing times a person could have.

I can hear some of my friends right now "you know black people don't sleep on the ground on purpose" They would be joking of course, but this is one of life's simple pleasures that I enjoy.  The smell of burning wood, scorched marshmallows, coffee made in a real percolator on open fire, kids running in the woods in the dark with flashlights and lanterns, sitting and sharing time with other dads and moms.  I feel like Mater from the movie Cars - " I am happier than a tornado in a trailer park"

So for dinner tonight, we are having creamy mustard pork chops.  Got the recipe from the Campbell's Kitchen web site.  It looked good, so I am giving it a try.  Have to watch the cholesterol and sodium intake.  This looks like a tasty option and it looks like something my kids will enjoy.  They served it with egg noodles and glazed carrots. My kids won't eat either one.  So, I will have to do string beans and a whole wheat pasta so the sauce gets on the pasta.

I am wrapping my mind around getting on the bus with my son's class tomorrow to go to the corn maze.  Can't wait to go on this trip.  Think about it - 25 screaming and yelling kids on the bus, lunch bags and helping the kids open containers that their parents sent with them, that are childproof, juice spilling all over the place.  These are the kinds of days that my doctor tells me that I need to have a glass of wine.  He calls them highly stressful - I call it fun.  That is when I am most in my element.  Put me with kids and youth - and it's as close to heaven as I can get.  Their honesty and their so open that they don't care what they say.

Trust me, I am enjoying the cub master role.  It takes some getting used to, but there is a great team of volunteers along side me that make this one of the easiest jobs.  My wife loves when I put that uniform on - she calls me Skippy when I have it on.  I love that woman.  She is the best thing that has happened to me and I look back over the years and think about how much we have grown together, and the times she needed me and I fell short.  I have a greater understanding of her needs as a wife, friend, mother and yes as a lover, that I didn't have before.

Back to the new attitude.  I think Pastor Livingston put it best "you have to go through the fire to get the blessing"  It's a new season, it's a new day. I am more than a conqueror and God has my back.  Look at King Jehosephat - he was surrounded by three armies and was about to be annihilated and God told him to have the singers and the praisers go before the army.  Before the King knew what was going on, the three armies killed each other.  God  will use your enemy, your test, the trial, the lack - to show Himself strong and mighty.  Therefore, neither depth, nor height, nor anything else in all creation, shall be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  It might discourage me for a minute - but it will NEVER separate me from His love. Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.

What Part of "I Don't Have A Job" don't people understand

It gets me right in the gut - and I have a lot of it, when you try to explain to phone solicitors, bill collectors, the doctor's office when they give me prescriptions and many other people - that I don't have a job.  I have enough issues trying to pay the bills that I have right now.

I am just thankful that I don't have car notes to pay.  By the time I get my little unemployment check - it's gone.  I have 4 hungry kids to feed.  I just had to get my son more sneakers - that boy is now in a men's 9 and he is only 8 years old.  It's a bit disturbing to walk into a grocery store, spend $50 and walk out with 2 bags containing 6 items and none of the items are meat.

My phone was ringing off the hook today.  That doctor called me asking me to take another pill and when I refused on the grounds that I can't afford it - he got upset.  I understand that I need to take care of myself, but kids come before me any day of the week.  I need time to investigate what he is giving me, what the side effects are and can I afford to get another copay.  I am putting out over $200 on meds every single month - cut a brother a break already.

We worked on paying off all of our prior debt we had in CT before we bought our house and they are still hounding me about things I have proven have been paid.  I am getting calls for another Anthony McKoy who lived in Balitmore and we have the same middle name.  When I googled him, he was shot dead two years ago - and they think I am him because he lived in Charlotte at some point in his life- identity theft in reserve.

I am not venting anymore - I am angry at how bad this economy is and the government that I help put in place is doing little to nothing to make our lives any better.  All of these billions of dollars spent for what?  No new jobs, no new industries, and seemingly - no hope.

Going to school right now is not an option, because I drive my college kid to campus every day and trying to help her find her own car.  Time to teach some tough love to a kid who takes EVERYTHING for granted and lives a life of thinking she is entitled to my services.  TV has really given kids a false sense of reality - time to burst that bubble.  Growing up is sometimes painful, but those trials come to make you strong.

I have remind myself that I serve a God who is more than enough.  I am learning more and more everyday how to be frugal with what I have.  My wife and kids want to go to CT for Thanksgiving, so I am trying to save a few bucks from our income to be able to go.  I have to get up there before that - and I am going - for our god-daughters dedication service.  There is no way I could let our friends down - not when they honored us by asking us.  I don't take that responsibility lightly.

SO, what is a man to do.  The Word of God says "After doing all you can do to stand - stand!"  I will stand on His Word.  I will stand on His promises.  I will stand and proclaim Him as King.  I will continue to bless others by helping them with the Word of God.  I will continue to volunteer at the school, at the rest home, with the scouts, in my community - until my change comes.  I'm going to wait on the Lord.  To be honest with you Lord - than manhood is starting to take a hit, and I don't like it one bit!!!!!!!!  It's getting hard to look at myself in the mirror and have a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.  Listening to motivational speakers - out the door.  I listen to what my pastor has to say and let that be my hope for the day.

The next time that phone rings - I will explain again that I don't have a job.  I have not gone out and taken credit for anything that I could not afford to pay for.  I have enough sense to know that if I don't have a job, don't charge anything.  I learned that lesson at a young age - if you can't pay for it, you don't need it.  The problem that I see living in the south is that - collectors don't care how they speak to you.  They will borderline threaten you with all kinds of actions.  They will try your patience and your walk with the Lord.  What part of "I don't have a job" don't they understand - none of it!!!!!!

Great Weekend

Friday, I went to the High School 50th Anniv/Homecoming Game.  It was great.  The game went in to overtime and Sun Valley came out on top.  I wish I knew what day of the week a field goal was worth 6 points.  Somehow, the visiting team of Anson High got 6 points for a field goal.  I missed something in the points systems.  Any way, my kids had a great time.  I haven't seen them that animated in weeks.  Only at a high school game do you see woman trying to be cute with heels, makeup and dressed to the nines.  I sat there thinking - are they running for homecoming queen or are the girls. After watching a few of them slip and nearly fall on the bleachers- I settled in and enjoyed the game.  I had to remind one man that this is just a high school game and all of the profanity wasn't needed.  Talk about taking a game to the extreme - there weren't any college scouts in the stands that anyone was aware of.  Yet this dad, was saying what he was going to do to his son for missing a pass.  I pray that I never put that kind of pressure on my son.  I want him to play for the love of the game, not because of some athletic scholarship - all though that would be nice.  I need him to have the academics as well.

Saturday was a blast at the church Fall Festival.  I love our youth choir.  Those kids can sing and minister. They did an amazing job standing out in the hot sun and giving their heart in all of that heat.  Tina, Jason and the band are to be commended for what they brought out of those kids.  Of course I was there cheering my daughter on as she sang.  I am so proud of her for breaking out of her shell of being so shy.  My son decided at the last minute not to get on the stage with the kids choir.  He couldn't if he wanted to - we got there while they were already on the stage.  Great food, fellowship and the pastor brought a great message.  I loved being there with my wife and the kids.  A day not to cook - I need more of those.  We got to meet so many new people.  They let you know what southern hospitality is really all about.

We got home and watched a movie - No More Baths.  A good wholesome family film.  I highly recommend Feature Films For Families.  They teach good morals and values without getting in your face about it.  So that brings me to day.  Burgers on the grill, time with the family, going to church and kicking back relaxing.  And I didn't watch one football game.  I did however get into a small "discussion" with a few people on issues that I don't wish to talk about tonight - maybe tomorrow.    I have to entire family home for the day and we are going to have a wonderful day - take in a movie at the $3 theatre and then come home and make dinner.

Peace and have a great night

Restless

I didn't sleep well last night - not at all.   Not sure why, but I couldn't get comfortable.  I went to sleep thinking about how the scout meeting went, prayed and fell asleep.  I was awakened by what felt like my heart was racing. For some reason, I can not get through an entire night with the Cpap mask on.  At some point in the night, I get up, turn it off and hang the mask on the bed post  - all unaware that I've done it.

Maybe I am excited at the prospect of an interview.  Imagine, getting excited about a job interview.  In this day and age you better get excited about something.  Being without a job for the past two years has taken it's toll on me, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Changing gears for a moment.  Dinner last night was simple - we had fish, salad and fries.  The fish was prepared two ways - steamed in a light butter sauce with kiwi/lime seasoning, onions and green peppers served over yellow rice. The other was a fried flounder seasoned with onion and garlic powder, old bay, a bit of black pepper and sweet potato french fries.  I must have eaten half of the batch - those fries are the best.

Not to much to offer today - feeling very tired and worn down physically.  I feel like I need to get some sleep after getting in from the school this morning.  Those kids at the elementary school can spend every penny of a dollar.  I volunteer to work the school store on Friday mornings at 6:45AM - 7:30AM.  Let me tell you, those kids will stand at that table for 15 minutes trying to decide how to spend 25cents.  The funny thing is when you watch a kid try to take something without paying for it.  They look you directly in the eye as they try to put the unpaid item in their pocket.  When you say, do you have any money - they put the item back on the table in a hurry.  You have to keep your eye on all of them or they will rob your station.

Today was supposed to be my last Friday - 3 in a row, and then my wife says "you should keep doing it, Michael is happy you are there"  I guess if I can put him on the bus at 6:20AM, I should be able to keep going to the school to help.

I just figured out why I was restless.  My wife and I talked about going home to CT for Thanksgiving this year.  It sounds like a great idea, but we really can't afford to do it.   It's not a matter of the time, it's a matter of gas and transporting the entire family of up there.  We can't afford to fly and rent a car, so we will have to drive up there.  Then I have to feed all 6 of us while we are there, still not a problem.  Talked to my aunt and she said we could stay at her house.  I knew that before I called her.  We live on a very strict budget, so squeezing blood out of dime is hard right now.  I will come up with something to get us up there.  My kids haven't seen their friends up there in over 2 years now.  I feel like I owe them a trip home.

OK Adam, I hear you - DO YOUR BEST.  That is what I am going to do - my best.

Love My Friends

My friends are the best.  I got one of the best phone calls yesterday from a long time friend who now lives down in Texas.  He called me at 1:45 and before I knew it, it was 3:15.  Not that we haven't spoke in a  long time, but that when you have that great friend, you can talk forever and it's not made up junk.

What I value most about all of my friends is that our conversations are genuine no matter how brief or extended the conversation may be.  We can talk about the mundane matters of life, what's going on in the world, how we really feel about the state of America (not good), issues relating to male health, finances, our family and the list goes on and on.  I can say whatever I want to say to him and know in my heart that I won't hear it anyplace else.  He has been that way ever since college.

Because of people like him, life is great.  He might be in Texas (outside of Dallas) but, time and space is nothing when that phone rings.  Distance is just a plane or car ride away. Another of my friends has it right, she and her son will jump in her car and take a road trip.  They grab a map and hit the road.  What great spirit of adventure.  They don't know anyone along the way, they just pick a place and head for it, and they take their time getting there and back.  I love my friends.

One in Atlanta will call me out of the blue and say that I was on his mind so he thought he should call me.  Another here in Charlotte will be on a business trip in some obscure place and make time to call and say hello.  My college roommate will be on his way to SC and GA with kids on a college tour and when they stop in Charlotte - makes his way to my house.  I've gained some good friends after moving to little Indian Trail,NC. When I see these guys - I learn something from them every time.  I enjoyed being a cub and boy scout when I was younger, but these guys are die hard scouts.  No, not because there isn't anything else to do, but because of the bond you form.  It's like a brotherhood you didn't expect to fall into, but you can't live without.

My sister down in Alabama makes me smile just thinking about her.  I know that she has my back no matter what.  She is the one who told me that I would have 4 kids and we would go back and forth about the number.  I would tell her - us 4 and no more.  She would respond - us 6 and that's it.  She is so in tune with God, it's like a female version of Moses.  Like God spoke to her and said " I no longer call you servant, but I call you friend"  But just don't let her lay hands on you in the hospital, because she can also tell when it's your time to be with the Lord and your butt is about to check out - just kidding!!!!  I love you Phyllis.  She really is an amazing woman of God.  She is told me and my wife early in our marriage that we would have 3 girls and a boy - and sure enough that's what we had.

There are 4 guys at my church that are like brothers to me.  They don't see color, they don't see flaws, they don't care that  I'm not perfect and they don't care what I'm going through to the point of being able to correct and encourage at the same time.  These men of God are examples of what Jesus looks and sound like.  My brothers - Greg, Jerry, Jason and Randy - are some of the best men of God.  They don't brag and inflate any of their accomplishments.  They don't say one thing and then do another, and they are always looking out for me and my family.  There are others who are good people and give good advise, but these guys are exceptional without trying.  In a church of 7,000 people you think it would be easy to make friends - no, you can get lost in a crowd and some people attend large churches to hide.  These men find you hiding and pull you out.

Most of all, my best friend - my wife.  This woman has stuck with me through thick and thin.  I can't express the depth of love and gratitude I have for her being in my life.  God knew what I needed, who I needed and when I needed her.  She balances out who I am.  I love, respect and appreciate her for all that she is, all who she is and all she does for me and our family.  Most woman would have MAJOR issues with their husband being out of work for 2.5 years and be ready to throw them out.  Not mine.  She loves me unconditionally and she shows it.  I joke about being Celie from Color Purple ( and I do relate to her in a lot of ways) but my wife does not treat me like Mister (Albert) - she honors me, prays for and with me, holds me up, encourages me, and makes sure I am a happy husband.

I thank my God, every time I think of each of you.  My life would be empty if you weren't a part of it.  I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crazy Dream

This is why you shouldn't go to sleep watching the news when it's full of "bad" news.  Be careful what you put in your mind prior to resting for the night.

Woke up around 4AM from the craziest dream.  I was being attacked by someone dressed as the grim reaper.  In my dream, I watched the news with some friends in a cabin on the lake that we rented - a guys weekend.  On the news, it showed several people being murdered in the same style - all after showering.  To make a long story short, I went upstairs to shower and the scenario goes - dropped the soap and saw a shadow at the door - out jumps the grim reaper with a knife in hand.  Hate to admit it, but I let out a scream that would make your skin crawl. I did yell out the Name of Jesus. I woke up as an arm went around his neck and pulled him back.  Before I knew it, I woke up unable to breathe.  It doesn't help that I sleep with a Cpap mask at night.  So, my throat was very dry and my heart was pounding.  The common thread between myself and the guys on the news was that someone was knocking off all of the cub scout leaders.  The news said the killer would carve the letters BSA on the persons chest.  The dream reminded me of an old movie on Crystal Lake and all of the people at the camp were being systematically killed.

Now, I am no matter what a scientist says, there is a God.  I believe He comes to you in dreams and visions.  He will rescue you in times of trouble no matter where you are.  Seems to go like the old legend - if you dream you are falling and don't wake up before you hit bottom - you will die in your sleep.  Well, who has ever hit the bottom and lived to tell about it.  As for me, thank God I always wake up before anything strange happens in my dreams.

When I finally fell back asleep - the alarm was blaring. So here I sit, blood shot eyes, tired and ready to get some sleep. I have to take the dog out, my son is already on the way to school.  And can someone please tell me what do with a dog that is determined to piddle in the house?  We crate this animal at night and in the morning - I have nice little puddle to mop up.  My house always smells like a pine tree with the amount of mopping I do.  Tonight, I am putting one of those dog mats at the gate of his crate.  To make matters worse - I am allergic to the dog.  I am constantly washing my hands after I do anything with him.  Between the scratching and itchy eyes - I can't take anymore.  It's bad enough I am still dealing with seasonal allergies.

But, he is a cute little guy.  He is fun to have around and to play with.

Anyway,  I need to wrap my mind around this day and what needs to be done.  Before I do anything else, I am going back to bed, put that mask on and see if I can get a couple of hours of sleep.  I have to get back on the job hunt grind.  A man that doesn't work - doesn't eat.

Wrote a letter to my father

Well it's finally done.  I took the time to sit down and write what I hope will be, a letter of reconciliation.  It's only 6  pages long and I hope he doesn't just throw it to the side.  I am going to believe he is going to read the entire thing.  After all, he has a lot of time on his hands now.  My niece told me he has cancer and not dealing well with it.  I don't want the letter to come across as feeling pity for him or a desperate attempt to gain approval.  I would just like some answers to some questions that have bugged me for the last 40+ years.


His sister told me that he would like to hear from me, so I told her that she can give him my number.  It's time for him to do some reaching back.  It's like this, if you fell off of a cliff and you see a hand reaching down from someone - you are going to reach up and grab even if you are unsure who it is, or what the relationship might be with that person.  Well, I have been reaching far too long, accept the hand has been there all along.

So what do I hope to gain as a result of this letter?  Get to know the basic things about me - my birth date, I was your first born and you should know it.  I want him to learn and remember the names of my wife and children.  I want him to answer some family health questions so that I know why there are days I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  I want him to explain why he left while my mom was pregnant with my sister and didn't show up again until I was 17 graduating high school and the next time I saw him, I was getting married.  I want to know what the heck he was thinking having a baby at 62 years old and then talking about marrying someone younger than I am.  I want to know how he is dealing with the cancer.  What are his days and night like. Where is the woman and my 3 year old little brother?  What is the name of the kid. 

I would hope that I am a typical kid who thinks they deserve to know their parent.  I don't think I am asking for too much.  Do I have any plans to have this magical moment where we run through the daisies and have this lasting embrace - not really.  I don't want to have any preconceived ideas going into this.  Just want him to hear me and let me know that he listened to everything I said.  Deep deep down in my heart - I care about him.  I wouldn't want him to die thinking that I don't care and that I don't want anything to do with him.

How can I say I love a God that I can't see, yet not love a man that I can see?  I have contemplated that statement for years and tried to justify it by saying:  because I have a relationship with you Lord, not with him.  In return, God says: I rather you be hot or cold - not lukewarm.

Dads, PLEASE show your sons you love them.  Tell your sons that you love. Most of all, give the thing they need the most - your time, your heart, your full attention.  There is no way that I can be priest, prophet, provider, prince and protector of my own home when I can't give this man another chance.

God please don't let me have resentment in my heart.  Don't know, but I am feeling some kind of way about this thing.  Mixed feelings are a mess to deal with.  Too much time on my hands.  You know what, having my children and my god-children helps to put things into perspective.  Writing this book on Godly god-parenting has opened a lot of thoughts in my mind. The guys I am friends with are wonderful fathers and I enjoy seeing them with their kids.  I gain the most from them, and when they talk about the times they had with their dads, I get a little jealous - just being honest.  But in the end, I am the man, father and husband that God wanted me to be.

Don't take this the wrong way world but, I will be a better father than mine never was!!!!

Talking to Mom and Dad

Last night had the greatest opportunity to speak to some of the moms and dads of the scouts that I have the privilege to lead.  I was awestruck as my wife and I sat there and spoke to some of them.  I have learned so much about the boys, their family, and how much the boys enjoy scouting.

It amazes me how much these boys really know about the entire scouting experience.  You look at them running around and wonder if they are getting anything out it.  They have loads of fun with their leaders and leaders are having just as much fun.  Mom and dad stick around because they are learning just as much as the boys are and they (mom and dad) are having great conversations with each other.

Those moments spent talking made me proud to be their leader.  I saw hope for our young people in these boys and their families.  I saw that America's future may not be that bad after-all.  With young men like these leading our great country, I feel like I can sleep a little bit better.  No, I don't expect everyone of them to great military men, politicians or mastermind some great business venture.  But I do see that they will grow up with an appreciation for what scouting has offered them - opportunity.

The opportunity to be just be a boy, a chance to get their hands dirty and learn something new, a chance to get out into the woods and camp - real camping in a tent and washing their mess kits, looking for fire wood; a chance to offer their suggestions and ideas on how to do things; a chance to have their voices heard and appreciated.

I like to be believe that I am a very observant person, and I see wonderful things happening for our young men.  I too enjoyed scouting when I was young.  It was a lot different than it is right now.  I gained a sense of accomplishment every time I did finished a task in my handbook.  A thought just came to mind.  In one of Tyler Perry's plays - there is a mother who so proud of her son, she said: "that's why my son went to Penn State and not the state pen:"  Her statement was based on how she raised her son.  Yeah, she right  - it's how we raise them.  Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.  That doesn't mean he won't stray, but it does mean he will never forget what he was taught.  Our boys and girls are facing trials that we never had to deal with.

The moms and dads I spoke with last night, know all too well what their kids are facing.  The glimmer of hope that I saw was this, they know what they are up against and they are doing their best to prepare their kids (boys and girls) for what life is throwing at them.  Technology is ever changing and no one person can keep up with it.  We might want our children to have the latest and greatest  tech toy - but at what expense?

Some families on communicate via text messages or some social network.  My kids aren't allowed to text me - I need to hear their voices so that I can hear that everything is fine.  I love all 4 of my kids, and I thank God for giving me such wonderful woman who is there for me and all of the things I am involved with.  She really is a helpmate and not a hinderance.  She gives me good advise, she is a great mom, a great woman and my absolute best friend.  We have a wonderful parenting relationship and we're thankful that we have open communication with our children so that they can talk to us about anything without fear.

So, with all that I saw last night, I am going to give the 2 men who claim to be my father - yet another chance.  Not for them, but for me.  I missed out on too much and I need to grab hold of this moment while it's in me.  You see, I need to put closure on the subject.  Even if they don't want the relationship - I have to make sure that I have done my best.  I am sure it's what my mom would have wanted.  I don't need a DNA test at this point in my life - just answers to some questions that have been nagging at me.  If more develops - good, if not - no love lost.  But before I allow my children to get any closer to either of them, it has to work with me first.  I will not set the kids up for disappointment.  Besides, they look at my uncle as their grandfather - and I wouldn't change that for anything in this world.  He loves them.

I Love My Class

Yesterday during Sunday School, I was teaching the youth about their relationships with God.  In the lesson I mentioned something that crosses over to the home also. First let me tell you, I have some of the best kids in the world in that class.  Their parents are just as great as the kids are.  Of course, there are a few who always want to be the class clown, but I expect that.  The things that come out of their mouths are jaw dropping most of the time because you can't believe that such revelation just came out of the same kids who were trying to burn napkins at your house.

Back to the class and what was said.  Some of them didn't know if they could hear the voice of God.  They know that His voice isn't something audible, but heard in the heart.  The part that crosses into the home is this:  there is a great difference between hearing and listening.  We hear things all around us and they are just sounds, voices, noises and other things.  But, when we listen - we comprehend, enjoy, and soak up what we hear around us.  Yes, Jesus said "My sheep hear my voice and know me"  We know Him because we not only hear Him, but we are listening to Him.  In our homes, we know the people who live there because we listen to one another, we understand each other, we love each other, we want to know one another.  So, how could we expect a God up in heaven to know us, if we don't spend any time with Him.  He is critical to our survival,not the other way around.  He isn't going anywhere - He always was and always will be -even when we are dead and gone.

So, what did I learn for myself.  I learned that my friend Adam is correct.  The first time I read his response to a previous post, I just heard what he said.  I went back and re-read what he said, and this time around I listened to what he said, and then it clicked.  Adam told me that like the cub scout motto: do your best - that is all you can do when raising your children.  I heard him and I listened.  He is right.  All we can do as parents is "our best"

I have a great spiritual love for the kids in my class.  I appreciate that they come ready to learn and to give input to the lesson.  Our class in interactive because I want to hear what's on their hearts and to gauge their growth in God.  I have one young lady who mentioned that she needed to know something about the movie "Letters To God" before we viewed it in class.  I love it that she asked.  If you've not seen the movie - I highly recommend it.  It's a heart wrenching film that will pull you in and make you take a good look at yourself.  My entire household was in tears by the time the movie was over.  They asked that we wait a few months before seeing it again.

Later in the afternoon, we went to Camp Thunderbird - on Lake Wylie for my wife's company picnic - great time out on the water.  We took a boat ride and my son and daughters saw the sun beams breaking through the clouds and they say those beams mean God's calling and waiting for you.  I never knew why my son would stand in the sun beams at home, but now I see that he wants to get close to God.  He will stand there and soak up the warmth of the sun because he believes God is calling him, and my son is intently listening for His voice.  Oh to have the innocence and faith of a child.

Woke Up This Morning WIth Mind On........

Now, if you are a Christian, the next words should to the song should be "stayed on Jesus"  Being the realist that I am, those were not the words on my mind.  I woke up thinking  about my daughter who is a senior this year, and how proud I am of here.

Like all kids, she can be loving, compassionate, caring and kind.  Then there is the other side that I don't care to see too often.  She does well in school and when she doesn't she is harder on herself than anyone I know.  Back in the day, if I got a C+ on an assignment that I know I worked hard on, and gave my best effort - I was happy.  Not her.  She walks in the door crying and trying to understand why she got the grade.

Anyway, another opportunity came in the mail for her yesterday from the Global Young Leaders Conference.  It's a chance to be a young world ambassador in one of several countries.  This past summer she did 10 days at a Youth Medical Conference in Atlanta.  She had a great time and learned a lot about the medical field.  She wants to be Pediatric Oncologist.  That event cost my family and friends $3K and we only raised half of the amount.  I am still paying $245 a month until it's completed.  Now we have this event which is about $7K.  How do I tell her she can't go.  How do I disappoint her and break her heart now that she is all excited.

I almost wish that I had intercepted the mailman and hid the thing from her but she got the mail while I was painting at the scout hut.  As a dad, do I explain to her that we just don't have the money?  I have considered making her get a job and pay for the trip herself.  But, this is her senior year and she (we) have a lot of other expenses to pay this year.  Someone help me here.  When I graduated high school - they gave us 10 announcement and 10 tickets.  Down here you have to order and pay for them.  WHen did that happen?

When my income changed - everything changed.  I really wish my mind was stayed on Jesus instead of hurting my child's feelings.  I love her so much and want "daddy's little girl" to have the best of everything life has to offer.  So now, I am going to church and hear what the Pastor has to say believing that I am going to get my answer this morning.

The Battle Is Not Mine - It's The Lord's

Today has been eventful.  I played with some kids from the neighborhood, got all of the laundry done,and then the phone rang at about 7PM.  My doctor's office called.  I was all excited to hear good news about my blood work.  Instead, I got the downer of the day.  Talk about having the wind sucked out of your sails.

I did everything right.  I took the stupid pills, I took the walks and worked out to Wii Active, I cooked healthy meals - and my cholesterol came back high, blood sugar was high (457) on the day of the test, hemoglobin was too low and the list just goes on.  I was instructed to increase everything that I am taking.  I am ready to stop taking everything and let God do the rest.

Yeah I know He put doctors here to help us, but nothing seems to be working.  I finally took the time to read the side effects of my meds.  Some of them make you gain weight, some make your blood sugar go up, some cause tremors.  No wonder I can't concentrate, see clearly, stop shaking and sleep at night.  These drugs are doing more harm than good.

What is a man to do - keep working hard on the every day life habits and routines, write down everything that goes into my mouth, count every carb, calorie and protein - all while I choke down those pills and stick that needle in my stomach.

This is the time that I need to seriously surrender everything to God.  I can't keep doing this in my own strength. Obviously, I can't fight this battle and war alone - I have to listen for His voice and follow His marching orders.

Don't get me wrong - I am discouraged, I need to find a place to let out the pain.  I can't do it in front of the kids,not that I don't want them to see me in my weakness, but because they see me as their protector.  You know how we are as men - the kids and wife can't see us as weak - we have to be strong.  WHAT A BUNCH OF HOG WASH!!!!!

Back in the day before I knew Jesus, I would run and get a drink.  I would call a friend and hit the clubs, I would get in my car and go down to NYC and stay a few days in the darkest club and come out at day break.  NOW, I fall on my knees and do my best to TRUST HIM to make it all right.  I have to live this life like God is coming tonight rather than live it like I have 50 years before He arrives.

I am weak, I need help, I need direction and I need to get my body in order.  The good that I want to do - I don't do, the bad that I don't want to do - this I keep doing.  I war against the flesh, day and night. This battle is not mine - it has to be the Lord's.

Scouting and School Store

Last night I went to cub scouts with my son.  Not sure what I was thinking when I said that I would take on the responsibility of being cubmaster.  My predecessor made the job look so easy.  There are all kinds of twists and turns to the job, but I don't have any regrets about taking the position.  The former leader is still there to make sure I get everything that I need in the way of help, advise and encouragement.  You have no idea how much I appreciate that kind of a person.  His integrity is amazing.  He could have just left me in the deep of the pool gasping for life.

It's funny, there are some who would love to see me fail.  Trust me, I went into this with my eyes wide open and I am no fool.  I wish I could say that I was being paranoid, but I'm not. When someone can walk up to you and say "it's harder than you thought isn't it"  "do you think you will make it" "ready to give up yet"  I can stand people who make condescending remarks.  Grow up, act like an adult and stop making/asking stupid questions in front of the boys and other parents.  The best part is when people knowingly go behind your back and talk to other people before they come to you.  I am so glad I have good relationships with the leadership who don't stand around and let foolishness happen.

Anyway, we asked for parent volunteers to lead the different age groups.  We have to have two adults per grade level.  You would think that people would jump at the chance to spend more time with their sons - especially the fathers.  I sat there bewildered that only two parents out of 30 stepped to the plate.  I still have to recruit 5 more people.  Maybe I am not "selling" scouting correctly or I am not communicating the benefits that come along with leading a group.  We are talking about 1 hour, once a week and about 2 hours a week to prepare for the week.  The meetings are spelled out for you in the guide book and it really doesn't take much.

This morning at 6:50AM I dragged myself into the school to work at the Pack Shack - school store.  There were more dads there than moms.  We set up, sold, packed the store, and broke-down all with in an hour.  Now if 5 dads could do all of that before going to work, why can't we give our boys one hour in the evening.  I don't need to hear anything about working all day, or that you are tired, or that the game is on - ALL EXCUSES!!!!

Looking at that state of boys and men today - we have a long way to go.  What ever happened to the day when dads WANTED to spend time with their kids.  Get it together man.

It's a new day - therefore I get new mercies today.  I am praying for a clean, pure heart.  All I want to do is face each day with a clean slate.  Oh yeah,  the job front is starting to shine some light - say a prayer.