There are some days, some people, some decisions that make you feel like you just want to throw in the towel. Some of those same things make you wonder if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel. I have decided to look at them in a different light. They are not obstacles - they are opportunities for me to learn a lesson and help someone else who might deal with the same issues later.
I have taken into consideration all of the events of my life and all of the times I could have just let go of the rope. Not one of those times did God give up on me. He reached down into my mess, snatched me out, cleaned me up, taught me a lesson, and allowed me to be put me right back out there in the midst of the wolves. Not because He didn't care, but because I needed to grow in His strength. He wanted me to learn to depend and trust in Him and not in "my" abilities.
I have done it wrong for so long, that it felt like I was doing it correctly. I once made a statement about a former pastor of mine and I stand by those words. He was abusive and used the Word of God as his choice of discipline. He did twist God's Word to get what he wanted and he pimped God while he hurt hundreds of people. I know that might sound like an indictment on the man, but I am just speaking what hundreds of others know to be the truth. It's no wonder why so many people are turning from the church instead of running to the church.
Now, why is it in His strength? It's simple. If I do it. If I ask you for your help in doing it. "It" will never work out the way it was supposed to because I didn't seek God first. Plain and simple, cut to the chase, over and out.
Don't we ever get tired of things not working out because we failed to seek direction first? I know I do. There have been more than enough "issues" in my life for me not to seek God first. Last week I was talking with our Youth Pastor and he asked me about my testimony. I told him it's a "but God" testimony. I told him how it started over 40 years ago and had brought me to the place that I am at right now.
He made the point of telling me that I have ever reason not to be a Christian - but God. I started my life in the projects of Bridgeport, CT; mom died when I was 5, dad took off before that, moved to several relatives homes before settling in Norwalk, get raped at 13, run away from home twice, move out of the house at 16, try to kill myself at 19, brother gets murdered at 27, sister dies of AIDS from her husband at 29, several aunts and uncles die during all of this time who have a great impact on my life. BUT GOD had a better plan for me. He told me that I should have been a statistic - BUT GOD!!!!!
I feel like preaching!!!! Praise God for His infinite wisdom and unconditional love. I have no right to be the man I am today - BUT GOD!!!! I am so glad He looked beyond who I was, and saw who I could become.
You see, it started at a very young age for me. I was playing around in my aunt's room one day and found a bible. Something in me, made me stop playing and start reading it. It fell open to 2 Timothy 2:22-26 - and spoke about youth. It changed my life from that day going forward. I was 9 years old, and for the next 4 years I was a model child until I got raped. I would get up on Sunday morning and go to church without anyone else in the house. I would walk or ask the neighbor for a ride. For years I would be the only person walking around the house on Sunday morning.
Even after the rape and the hurts - I still believed God had a better plan for me. I was mad at Him for a little while for letting me go through all of this. Then one Sunday, Rev. Williams got up and preached about the children of Israel trying to get away from Pharaoh and how Moses would go to Pharaoh seven times until the freedom finally happened. They wandered for 40 years and then entered the promised land. All of sudden, I found myself in the wilderness. When I ran away, I gave up on church, but not on God. I wanted nothing to do with the church anymore. Nobody there hurt me or did anything to me. I just found the kids to be very unfriendly with the exception of a few classmates and my Sunday School teacher who was also my 7th grade science teacher.
In His strength, I would get up everyday and live my life. The one friend that I trusted told other kids about the rape and I lived a very lonely life until I graduated high school. I was called all kinds of names. Other boys would accuse me of being gay and saying I was "looking" at them in a funny way. But God - I still trusted Him for strength.
I am going to move into present day, that stuff makes me want to cry for all of the kids who are suffering today. Listen parents - if the kid tells you they have been touched - listen to what they have to say. Even if the perpetrator did not have intercourse with them - SOMETHING sexual happened that shouldn't have.
Present day - I still live, move and have my being in His strength. I can't function without Him. I don't pray like I should, I don't read like I should, I don't meditate like I should. There are days when it seems like my tank is on empty - but in His strength I get a refill. I don't wait for the my pastor to preach before I get with God - I take the time and do what I have to do. I don't treat God like He is my servant, but I am His. I don't expect Him to react to my every word, but I should be proactive because of His Word. In His strength I can stand before people and tell them I know God is working things out for me in spite of a lack of a job for almost 3 years. He promised He wouldn't see the righteous forsaken or His seed being bread. In His strength - my family has not gone without food, shelter and clothing. I praise God for my church family who not only check to see if we are doing well, they take steps to make sure we are well, and they provide the need when it presents itself.
I am a blessed man today. I am striving to be a great husband and father. I want to be an example to my children so that they can be proud whenever my name is mentioned. Not because I need the approval of man, but because I wanted to make God proud to be my Father. In His strength, I can do these things.
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