Tired

There are days when you find yourself at a crossroads in life.  This songs speaks volumes about that intersection of life.

It's a song of despair.  It informs there listener that they are missing something very real, deep, important and desperate about the singer.  Look at his face and see the genuine place of loneliness, frustration, depression, being misunderstood, that place of putting on face to save face.

If the Bible says that we are to bear one another's burdens, why does the church struggle with it?  Enough of telling me that you will "pray for me"  You know, as well as I do, that you are not about to pray.  IF you are going to pray, let's stop right here, right now and do it.

I had a very good friend in Ricky Harris - God rest his soul.  Ricky didn't care where he was.  Prior to the birth our first child, we ran into him in the Trumbull Mall and informed his of the discouraging news that the OB/GYN had previously delivered.    When I tell that Ricky called down heaven in the middle of the mall, it would be an understatement.   You, see - Ricky was your friend outside of the church - chew on that for a minute righteous saints and aint's. 

I am not saying all "church" folk are the same.  But there comes a time when you get tired of pew warmers giving you the typical church answers when you speak to them.  Please don't get me wrong, I love Christians, but at the end of the day, I just want to talk to you man to man.  You need to realize that while we are straining to grow closer to the Lord, that we still live here on earth.  I can't deal with people who are so heavenly high, that they are no earthly good.

The last thing I want you to do, is quote another scripture to me and tell me to give it to God.  Yes , I do believe in God.  I know that I have no right to question him, but at the end of every single day, I have questions, concerns and thoughts that I need to have answers for. 

My health is taking a toll right now, and please don't tell me that the enemy is trying to take me down.  I have a free will which allows me to make choices about what goes into this one and only body that has been gifted to me.  So, there are times when I comfort myself without thinking, with the wrong kinds of foods.   The thoughts that I have, has caused a spike in my blood pressure. 

I can't turn 50 next year and be unpleased with myself.  Tired doesn't even begin to describe how I am really doing down on the inside.  My friend Jamal put plain to me one day.  I said I was confused about some things regarding church and Christianity.  He quickly let me know that I wasn't confused, but in fact, was trying to BS God.  He was right!!!  Dead right. 

As a people, we can't fool the Lord. You see, that is what a friend does.  He doesn't sugar coat truth, he lays out on the line and calls your mess to the front.  Reality can be mistress, an adulterer, a beast, a welcomed visitor who comes to stay, or an long overdue slap in the face that shocks you into seeing the light.

But when your heart and your heart are disconnected - you need that someone to step up, speak out and call you out.  Yes, my wife was saying these same things to me over the years.  As men, the last thing we want is to be corrected, instructed or even believe that our wives could have answers.  To us it might sound like nagging, or you hear it so much that you just tune it out.  When we are honest with ourselves, she is the best friend we have

There are some things that ONLY another man will understand, and you need that brother to listen and bounce ideas, thoughts, and one who lets you vent..  When we renewed our vows for our 25th anniversary, I looked very hard for the brothers I chose.  I had 6 in mind, but only 4 could participate.  One of the others was going to be out of town and the other's wife had surgery.  I know that I can call of these men, be myself and know that they have my back.  Time, distance and space does not alter our relationship.

Tired is the sign in the middle of the street at this 4 way intersection.  Straight ahead leads to hope.  Taking a right turn leads to more of the same.  Taking a left takes me down a road of self destruction.  Behind me is the past and I DON"T want to relive so much of it.  The past had enough troubles to make most men cave in, tuck their tails between their legs and run.

I guess I better stay straight and hope for the best.  God knows I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.