Where Are The Fathers?

People, am I missing something?  I was flipping through the channels and came across some talk show where the dad and his son where having a "major" disagreement about drugs and sex with everyone.  The son was in the process of telling dad why he hated him and couldn't wait to get out on his own.  In reply, the dad tells the kid that he can leave now and there's no reason for him to stick around - get out and don't come back.

My thought on this is the following: kid - TRUST me, you will ALWAYS need the love and support of your father.  I have found out that every boy needs his father, but it's also true that every man needs his father.  The learning doesn't end when you leave home.  A man needs his dad to teach him how to be a good man, a great dad and a wonderful husband.  I missed out on all of those things and I am learning all of them the hard way - the trials of life, and hate to toot my own horn (honk honk) but I turned out ok.  There are two men who "claim" to be my father, yet neither one of them has ever stepped up to the plate and acted like a dad.  The sad truth of the matter is, my mom died when I was five and half years old and the jerk took off when my sister wasn't even born yet.  The first time I have a memory of either of them is when I was 13 years old.

If you ever want to hurt a child who doesn't know their lineage, do what is so prevalent in black families - keep secrets!!!!

My next though on this is:  men- if you want to be called dad by your son, then start acting like a dad.  Any man can father a child, but it takes someone special to be called dad.  My uncle raised me as his son after my mom died. I am so grateful for my mom's sister and brother-in-law.  They took three kids that they didn't really know and raised them as their own.  That is the kind of man that you call a dad.  No, my life wasn't always easy, but at least I had two people that looked at me as their son.  Too many men are creating children and then leaving them to be raised by mom alone.  She has no idea what it takes to be a man, but she is being forced into a role that she wasn't created for.  If you are that out of control and can't control yourself long enough to cover before you conceive - then you don't need to get in the bed.

The two men who claim to be my father don't know the names of my children, don't know my birthday and don't even know where I live.  I moved out of CT 3 years ago and they are just learning that I left.  Now don't get me wrong, I did my part.  The bible teaches that we are to honor our mother and father so that our days will be long and that it will go well with us.  I reached out to both of them for many years.  I cooked for them, I tried to spend time with them and still got nowhere.  Imagine being a 13 year old boy and you and your cousin go all the way to NC from CT for 5 days to visit your father, and when you see him, he says, "which one is it?"  That has stuck with me all of these many years.

Like I said, boys need their fathers, but men need them also.  Dads - love your son like it's the time you are going to see them.  I love my son and he knows it.  I embrace him every morning, when he gets on and off of the bus to school, and before he goes to bed.  I never want him to doubt my love for him.  I want him to know how to treat his wife and kids and what his role of the head of the house is all about.  My daughters get validation everyday.  I want them to know how a man is supposed to love them with their emotions before it turns physical.  I bless them with gifts and let them know they are more valuable than the gift.  I take them on dates with dad - so they can get all dressed up and look pretty.  I talk to ALL boyfriends so they know the expectations I have concerning how they ARE going to treat my girls.

I have one of those journals you complete called "A Fathers Legacy For His Son"  Its a guide book for your son.  It tells him all about your life and the trials and triumphs you've had.

I say all of that to say this.  Hey kid, your life isn't that bad.  Dad is only trying to keep you from hurting yourself and dad - open your eyes and realize the kid needs more of YOU.  It's not just about providing a home, he needs your time.  Stop being an idiot and realize he wants to be your best friend.  Put everything aside for him  and just give him more of your heart.  I tend to come across and confident and strong, but I am very much vulnerable when it comes to relationships with other guys - I still don't trust most males.

When you have issues of abandonment, you just don't trust other men.  When you have been raped - physically and emotionally - you don't let too many people into your heart.  When pastors take advantage of your past hurts - you don't allow yourself to get too close to other pastors.  When you've been locked in closets as a child and sit in the dark wondering what you did to deserve this - your heart begins to harden.

Thank God that time is healing all of the past wounds.  I have to open up to God first and forgive so that I can move on with my life.  Thank God I have not allowed this to alter the way I treat my own children.  I am so bent on making sure I don't treat them the way I was treated.

So the question remains - what about the fathers?  Where are you and what are you doing to raise children - especially sons - to be responsible adults who give back.  There is a song by Israel Houghton entitled "Where Are the Fathers"  I look at the news every day and wonder the same thing - where are you?