Restoring With Father

Where has the time gone?  I have spent the past few months taking the time that is needed to make sure that I have restored my relationship with my father - FOR REAL.  We hit some bumps in the road and went around a few curves, but it seems like we are finding the open highway of communication.

For the first time, I am not dreading the thought of picking up the phone and calling him. I have not yet figured out what to call him.  To be brutally honest, saying dad doesn't taste too good coming out of my mouth right now.  I am still a work in progress and we are working toward that title. I believe that is earned over time as the love develops.   I look forward to calling  him now.  I refuse to use the fact that he wasn't around as an excuse for anymore shortcomings in my own life.  While I do admit I needed him there to guide me and model what a man is, I am still a good man who is striving to the be best husband and father that I can be - with the help of the Lord.

I can not look back on all of the generations of men in family who were not there for their children and the women they had the children with.  The Lord has given me the ability to break the cycle and the chains.  It is up to me to put a stop to the men not being committed when they make a promise.  It's up to me to say, demonstrate and know in my heart, that the Lord is going to provide the necessary tools I need. It's up to me to make my father proud of who I've become.

Most of all, I want the Lord to look at me and say "well done, my good and faithful servant" It's up to me, to set up a legacy for my children to follow and the many generations that will come after me.  I need to share with all of my male family members who they are to their children.  To tell them that they need to put on their big boy boxers, grow up and be a man in mind and not just body.

I now find myself praying for him whenever I think about him.  I do my best to now call him once a week and ask those questions about family history, his health, about his relationship with my mom and how things are going with his other children.

I woke up one day and realized that I wasn't honoring him the way God wanted me to.  I can't expect my children to show me the love I want from them, and not demonstrate it for them.  I let them hear me talking to him, laughing with him and at him.

All of this came about after I watched the movie Courageous for the third time.  I began to see myself more and more clearly in each of the characters.  I didn't end up in a literal jail, but I had imprisoned myself in pity, anger, bitterness and hatred for a man I really didn't know.  It was crystal clear to me that I needed to get out of the cell that I locked myself into unjustly.  God wasn't happy and neither was I.

Since watching that movie, I made my own "resolution" that I need to share with my family.  Right now, I am in the process of gathering everything I need to have my own ceremony with them.  I have a great friend in White Plains, NY who designed a ring that is a crown of thorns for his ministry - Married To The King.  He gave me one of the rings and now I want one for each of my family members so that - together we can say with all confidence "as for me and my house - we will serve the Lord"