Regain Their Heart

People, especially children, will follow and trust those who love them (or show them acceptance) the most.  They are more likely to trust people who shoe them a false sense of interest and love.  If we as fathers take a little time to invest time and truth into our children, they will more than likely allow you to have the key to their hearts.

We have to deliver the truth in love, with respect in a heart to heart relationship with them.  I have finally learned that I can lead with my heart, I have to allow God to lead me, and while I follow Him, I will have the same unconditional love for my children that He has for me.  My heart is a funny thing.  I am still human and I can change feelings at anytime.

Often you hear people say " I love you, but I am not in love with you "  Their love is conditional.  When I tell my son and daughters that I love them - I say it from a place of unconditional love.  There isn't anything I wouldn't do (legally) to provide for their needs and get some of their wants.  I want them to feel protected and secure, and that my word is my word.  I want them to know that I can apologize to them when I am wrong.  They need to know that sometimes, dad gets broken when I cry out to God on their behalf.

If I don't model for them what a father is, they won't give me their hearts.  The last thing I want to see is my children walk away from the Christian life that we have established.  If they do walk away, it's my fault.  I am the head of my house and it my responsibility to make sure that as the head, the rest of the body goes the same direction.  If they get off course, I have to get them back.  If I come across as weak and passive, they can't trust me to guide them.  However, if I show them in love what they should be doing, that trust can be restored and I can regain their hearts.

This hold especially true for my daughters.  The way I treat their mother is setting the stage for what they will allow a man to establish for them in marriage.  I want my girls to see a  scene of two parents who work things out by talking.  I want them to see that I can hug and kiss mom, tell her that I love her and mean it.  I want them to never settle for less than the model I was for them, but to strive for equal or better.  I want to see that I am not just love to be happy, but that I am happily in love with the woman I promised to give my life to for the rest of my life.

Sometimes regaining the hearts of your children is hard, especially if you aren't living together.  Your time is the best gift you can give a child who isn't in the home.  The still need/require your presence.  They need to see you on a regular basis and hear your voice speaking wisdom into their lives.  Children who grow up without dad in their lives are more likely to repeat the same issues they experienced.  They don't know how to teach their sons to be men, and their daughters have no real sense of value or self worth because we weren't there to tell her how much she is loved.

If you want to regain the hearts of children, give yours to God.  Allow Him to show you yourself, and accept that you are flesh and blood and that you don't have all of the answers.  I know I can't do this fathering by myself, nor do I intend to try it alone.  I turn to God and ask for guidance.  Trust me, over this past week - I have come to a place in my life that I REALLY need a Word from the Lord.  When my own kids are disrespectful, rude, outspoken or any other thing that makes me think they aren't the kids I raised - I ask God, where did I fall short.  How did I allow this mess to happen?  Did I miss something?  What did I forget to do with them?

Not that I am being hard on myself, I just want to be the best father that God can allow.  If King David - a man after God's own heart got it wrong; if Sampson - the strongest man got it wrong; if Salomon - the wisest of all rulers got it wrong;  what makes me think I have it all together?  I can hear someone saying - you have the Holy Spirit and I do.  They had direct access to the Father and still fell short.  Not until they each surrendered did they finally get it together.

So Lord, I surrender all of myself (mind, body and soul) to You.  I want to keep the hearts of my children.  If I slip and fall, please help me to regain their hearts.  Help me to ask for forgiveness and to wipe the slate clean.  Help me not to be a harsh father who doesn't give them a chance to speak, but that I would hear with listening ears.

Dad's we have to get this fathering right.  I am going to plan a formal ball here in my local town called "Date With Dad"  Every girl will have to say one great thing their dad did for them, that they will never forget.  We are going to regain their hearts - one by one.