Let It Go

No, this is not like the movie Frozen and someone singing the same refrain over and over with a bunch of little girls dressed like Elsa.  The let it go that I'm talking about is, the past.

After watching Iyanla Fix My Life, I've come to the realization that there are some very real pains that need to be acknowledged and set free. Just when you think that you've let go, something comes along to remind you that you are still holding on to the past.

Looking back over my life I see that I must start with my family from my early childhood.  I think about my birth mom, and all of sudden the reality of her issues, and that I am upset and angry with her for leaving my and my siblings at such a young age.  She was only 27 when she passed away.  If you know anything about the "black family", you know this.  "What happens in this house, stays in this house"  That wasn't a suggestion growing up, it was an edict that was followed to the letter as if it was the law of the land.

However.  We tend to repeat the past because we never talk things over so that the healing can begin.  Regardless of how you feel about what I am about to say, it bears saying.  My mom had her issues, her pains, the relationships, her children, her weaknesses.  With all of that, I just came to know that I was angry with her.  She had times of being selfish - when she drank, didn't take care of herself, and wasn't always available to her children.  But, she was my mom and I loved her.  The scent of the Sweet Honesty perfume from Avon as she passes by, still captures my heart.  I hold the one bottle that was given to me so that I can remember her.  As much as I love you mom, these 44 years later, I have to let go of the hurt and hold the memories of your love for me.

All of the pastors who have hurt, lied and abused me and my family.  Because of you, I thought that all pastor's had motives and their own agenda with no heartfelt concern for the congregation.  I have learned that is not so.  You see, I have a sister who is a pastor and she is the real deal.  I have a friend who pastor's a church and he puts the needs of his flock, ahead of his own. The church that I currently attend is a pure demonstration of God's love for His people.  So, I let it go.  The thought that I am going to be taken advantage of by "man"  Maybe my heart was in the wrong place at the time, and not fully invested in the Lord.  I am now committed to Him before any "pastor" can get into my heart, soul or mind.

My aunt and uncle that raised me.  I let it go.  Being called a liar when I told you about being raped as a newspaper delivery boy. The pain that I felt for months after being torn open at the age of 13 by a full grown man, with a man's appendage that looked larger than life.  For the blood that ran down my legs and the inability to sit in a chair comfortably - I now let it go.  For feeling abandoned, rejected, unprotected, and unsafe in the place called home  I now let it go.  For being told that I was nothing, would never be anything and that I was worthless - I let it go here and now.  For putting on an act of happiness when I was miserable on the inside - I let it go.  For hosing my sister down in the front yard with a cold water forceful hose, and for me taking her place while cars drove by - I let it go. For being locked in the closet for hours at a time with your shot gun, and for being locked in my room indefinitely - I have to let it go.

Of all of the things that I deal with, my friendships are the one areas that need to re-evaluated.  It's time to let go of some people.