Let me explain something. I am not crazy, I am not stupid, I am not lost. I am venting how I feel. I am at a place in my life where I need to let people know how I REALLY feel about how they treat me and others. No matter how you slice it - ugly IS ugly, and how you treat people will come back to you. The problem is that people take your kindness for weakness and try to manipulate situations to their own advantage.
At some point in our lives, we must each decide when enough is enough. I reached the breaking point and at times I come across as someone who doesn't care. Wrong, I am letting my yes be yes and my no be no. A good friend of mine has a bunch of positive quotes hanging in his office. I thought about that - and it makes sense. You are what you think you are. If you don't feed your mind something worthwhile and edifying, you will wither away to nothingness.
God said He knows the plans He has for us. He wants me to have a future and a hope, he has plans to prosper and not harm me. Knowing that my eyes are the portal to my soul, my mind must be the portal to my spirit. So, I began to feed my mind last night. I found myself in a place of worship. I sat back and listened to a lot of gospel, contemporary Christian and Christian jazz music. I could literally feel the stress leaving my body. I was so relaxed and the junk leaving my mind.
The strange thing is this, there isn't that much music today that will take you to the throne room. I had to go back to the music of the 80's and 90's to find something that would break the tense atmosphere. Music that spoke directly to your situation from singers who knew how to minister. Music today is sold for the beat and for what they can take from the worldly sound and sugar coat it with the Name of Jesus.
Don't get me wrong, there is some really good music out there today. But nothing touches me like the older sound. Back in the day, whole choirs would be caught up in worship, the musicians had to stop playing because the Holy Spirit was all over the church, and people were not in a hurry to get home. How I long for those days when we sacrificed our time to the Lord.
I sat in my chair in my home office and I looked at my wall. It's covered with the Names of Jesus, what that name means and where to find it in the scriptures. So why didn't it appear to have no affect on me? Like our everyday lives - I had that wall to my back instead in front of me where I could look at it everyday. I know He has my back, but when I put Him behind me, that's different. So now, I can see Him, His Names and what He means to me.
I was listening to Daryl Coley (best male voice in gospel) sing "Sovereign" with Wilimington Chester Mass Choir - and the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and the stress level increased again. I didn't answer the phone, I didn't let it go to the answering machine - I hit a button that allows it to hang up the call. I don't want to speak to another person about changing phone services, do a survey, do a Gallup pole, speak to a bill collector. I can't stand the feeling in the pit of my stomach when the phone rings. It took me a minute to get my mind back on God. But when I did, what an amazing feeling. I stopped thinking about everything for 5 minutes of peace. When it appears that there is no justice and no peace in your life, it's time to get a to a place where you can know justice and know peace.
Madea said it best - the one place on earth you should have peace and rest, is in your house. If you don't, make some changes. I am working on ME, and I am doing it for ME. I have 4 wonderful children and an amazing wife. I have family and friends that love and care for me. Most of all, I have a God who will never leave me nor forsake me. My physical body may not be doing all that well, but He still dwells within me. All I can do now is pray and ask Him to help me clean it out to make more room for Him.
Get your favorite music, a comfortable chair, some pj's, a hot cup of coffee or tea, dim the lights and let the music take you away. If you are married, just sit together and listen - don't say one word, relax and let it go.
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