Being Covered

This past weekend I learned something from some good friends who traveled to enjoy a weekend long celebration.  The wife said to me - "a girl needs her dad's covering."  It wasn't until she told me her testimony  of her life that the depth of that statement really hit me.  I just pray that my girls can sense my covering when they are not around me. 

The subject that won't keep it's ugly head buried and keeps resurfacing - the missing dad - is deeper than originally thought.  No, not just with me, but with other people as well.  Several of my followers are having issues with dad.  I find it very interesting that the female feels this loss in a greater way than most of the men.  Maybe it's because so many men are afraid to express what that void feels like.  Maybe they prefer to continue walking in the lie that they are fine with the way things are.  I don't think so.  They feel a degree of emptiness like the rest of us.  If they were fine, they wouldn't be the one bringing up the subject, their life would speak differently, they would treat their own children better and, they would want to see an end to the perpetual cycle of absentee dads, by being their for their own children.

You see, this young lady traveled a great distance to attend this affair.  By the time the evening came to an end, she was rethinking her views of her dad; her role in the relationship, and her views of black men.  I told her not to condemn an entire race of men due to the failure of what she has seen in her past.  Their are men - regardless of race - who do make a difference.  She explained that she was well educated and didn't want to settle for someone who was not her educational equal.  She explained that she is only approached by men of a different race.

I left her with this:  I believe that you have set your standards so high, that your imaginary ideal man, will never be found.  It's like being in the grocery store looking for a specialty food on a very high shelf, and what you're really looking for is on eye level.  Stop looking for Marty Millionaire, when Average Income Andy is going to give you a better quality of life.  It's not about the money when the love is not there. That is part of the message I need to pass on to my girls.  A man can tall, dark, handsome and rich, who treats you well in front of everyone, but leaves you longing for his heart at home.  At the other end of the spectrum, that same tall, dark and handsome man could be janitor and fill your house with peace, love and happiness because he found a woman who appreciates what he does for his family.

I took a long hard look at my girls and asked myself if I think I am covering them they way each of them needs me to.  I had to look in the mirror of life, take inventory and restock the shelves of love, hope, trust, protection, and much more.  Covering my daughters is more than providing them with a home, food and clothing.  Any man can do that and still be absent in the way that matters most - emotionally.    This is not just extended to my girls, but most importantly, to my wife. 

What I model in covering my wife, is what my girls are going to seek after when they get married.  I am not perfect, but I am trying my best to overcome who I was.  Not making excuses, but when you had no role model to follow, it becomes on the job training for the man.  You have to become a man who walks upright, father's children, is husband to your wife - you can't rely on TV dads to show you how to be what your family needs.  I recall once saying "my name is Tony McKoy, not Cliff Huxtable. This is reality, not the perfect TV family" 

The longer I am married, the more I see the emotional needs of my wife and my girls.  I see why so many females are a mess.  They have a false sense of security in the men in their lives, all because dad did his disappearing act when she was young.

Again, I have to set a standard for my daughters to look for in a husband.  I want them to find a man that validates them as much, if not more than I do.  He has to be her protector and her provider.  He has to be able to explain the things she might not understand.  He has to keep up with the issues around the world.  He has to be able to talk intelligently about current events and not what kinds of rims the next rap star has on his car. 

After speaking to three different women this past weekend, I am encouraged in my relationships with my wife and daughters.  I spoke to my wife about the events of the weekend.  God has blessed me with a woman who trusts me and is not insecure when she sees me speaking with other people.  She knows that I am going to set the record at the start of the conversation.  Not because she told me too, but because I love her enough to make sure other woman know the game is over before it has a chance to start.

So dads, cover your wife and daughters.  Pray for them without them knowing you are doing it.  Go to battle for them when they are unaware.  God will reward you for what you in secret.  I don't pray with them as much as I need to, but I pray for every one of them when they walk out the door.  Our woman need to know that they are covered and that we are listening.  We may not always understand, but we are listening.  They just want to be covered.